I Could Only Watch
by Ceila
Summary: Taking place during Sailor Moon S, Saturn has been reborn, sort of. Unlike the rest of the Senshi her mind did not merge with Hotaru’s. How frustrated would you get if the outside world were nothing more than a big movie you could only watch? (Complet
1. Authors Notes

Authors notes and ramblings on I Could Only Watch.  
  
Originally this piece started out as a one shot about Saturn being unable to defend Neo Queen Serenity when she was frozen in Crystal Tokyo. Form that it went to a flashback to the destruction of the moon kingdom and that got tricky. The outer Senshi have always been conveniently left out of the past, future, and even the present of the anime. For a poor author, such as myself, this left a lot of questions. So I did what comes naturally for an author who's curious, I made it up!  
  
I Could Only Watch is based on the anime. Before it was dubbed for the US I was lucky enough to get my hands on some fan subs of the S season and enjoyed hour after delirious hour of Sailor Moon as it was meant to be seen. Hotaru/Saturn soon became my favorite character. I was driven by the need to explain why Hotaru never transformed and what happened in the final battle with Pharaoh 90. I hadn't read the manga back then.  
  
Now here I am three, no four, years later finally completing this novel of a story. I never expected to get reviews, thanks to those who did, and I didn't plan on this reaching the length it has. After all it was supposed to be a one shot! This is now a regurgitation of the S season from Saturn's point of view and I apologize for that. The lack of reviews for this story shows that most people either (a) saw the size and ran the other way, (b) lost interest after chapter 2, or (c) just don't care to share an opinion.  
  
Overall, and most importantly, I am happy with the story I have shared. I hope that everyone who reads this will enjoy it and be happier for their time spent reading the hours away. Thank you all for reading.  
  
Ceila 


	2. Birth

This is a story from a slightly different point of view. Each Senshi has at least two different identities and they have to be willing to accept them to function normally. Most of the Senshi are aware that they are both, who they are in this incarnation, as well as the Senshi that they are destined to become. This story looks to the one Senshi that doesn't know who she was, or rather, the one Senshi who has not accepted who she needs to become.  
  
Narrated by the Senshi of Silence herself,  
  
I Could Only Watch  
  
By Ceila  
  
Prologue - Birth  
  
************************  
  
I don't think I ever really lived during the Silver Millennium. I know that I was alive but I was dormant, watching as the evil grew and helpless to stop it. Of course the outer guard were intent upon looking for invaders from far away so they never really saw the danger coming. I did. I watched as it grew and I cringed at the vibrations that it sent out, so evil yet so small. They never saw it coming.  
  
I know that one of them knew the course of time, she always does but I think I knew more than she did for once. As I slept, awaiting the call for the revolution, I knew that it was growing. I didn't really see the battle, I felt it, and like an infected wound it made my sleep restless. Then I felt the lowest blow, their deaths. As the guardian of death I felt it as if I were the one dealing the blow, my princess, my friends, my queen. One after the other they fell.  
  
Then I was awake. Their deaths, and the pain from their departing souls, waking me from my slumber. I stood in the chamber taking in the atmosphere. Lamps lined the walls each twinkling in my eternal tomb. I guess it wasn't going to be eternal now. I was free. I called my glaive to my side and prepared for the final call, the revolution. The evil would not win on this day for I am the last line of defense. I am Sailor Saturn.  
  
I was ready but my queen had another course chosen for me. The light was one of purity and hope and I don't think I shall ever forget the feeling of being engulfed in its embrace. For all of its comfort I heaved a final sigh of defeat before I let myself go once again into the slumber that I am so accustomed to. The light faded and I was once again in a New World, watching, waiting for my call.  
  
* * *  
  
I blinked her wide purple eyes and inspected this place as memories of the Silver Millennium disappeared like fog in the morning sun. Who was I again? Why was I dressed in this purple uniform? New voices filled her mind as the sounds of this place assaulted her senses. I wanted to tell them to be quiet, to reveal who I really was, but all she could do was cry. I fought for control of her young body but then I realized I was trapped inside the mind of a child. For whatever reason fate kept me here as my own separate person.  
  
I sat back and watched as they cleaned, weighed, poked and prodded her. The indignity's that a baby had to be put through. "I'm glad I don't remember any of this from my own birth," I mumble as yet another nurse carries her across the room. She babbled at her in that baby talk voice that all adults use. "Oh isn't the little nursey so cute," I mimicked back to her in that same voice. "When I get out of here I swear I'll never use that dumb voice when talking to children," I mumbled as I plopped down on the floor of my private world. As she wrapped her in warm pink blankets and handed her to the doctor. I looked for the first real time at her parents.  
  
"Congratulations it's a girl," said the doctor as he handed the new baby to her parents.  
  
"What shall we call her?" asked the woman as she looked to her husband. She was covered in sweat and her black hair was matted to her forehead. She didn't look the greatest but then she just went through labor. She's probably really pretty when she's cleaned up.  
  
"Hotaru," he said. His head of white hair was unkempt and his pale blue eyes were hidden behind wire rimmed glasses. This was her father? Well he looked kind enough. In fact he looked at her with an expression of awe.  
  
"Oh yeah she'll have you wrapped around her little finger before she's old enough to know it," I said with a smile.  
  
"Tome Hotaru."  
  
"I like that name. Maybe this won't be so bad." I laid back and decided to enjoy watching the world through her eyes.  
  
* * *  
  
Author's Note - In case you hadn't guessed already this story takes place during Sailor Moon S. Saturn has been reborn, sort of. Unlike the rest of the Senshi her mind did not merge with Hotaru's. How frustrated would you get if the outside world were nothing more than a big movie you could only watch? Look for the next chapter to find out how Senshi Saturn handles the pressure.  
  
Please e-mail the author at - k340029@excite.com  
  
Catch sneak peeks of all my work, and other talented authors works, at Daydream - www.scribbles.0catch.com 


	3. Growth & Friendship

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is copyright © 1992 Naoko Takeuchi / Kodansha, TOEI Animation. English Language Adaptation © 1995 DiC Entertainment. I'm just borrowing the characters and dialogue for a bit.  
  
Narrated by the Senshi of Silence herself,  
  
I Could Only Watch  
  
By Ceila  
  
Part 1 - Growth and Friendship  
  
Rated PG, Just in case  
  
************************  
  
Would I ever remember why I was here? It's an odd feeling to watch and listen to a world that you can't touch. You begin to doubt your own existence and well, I was beginning to doubt mine. I knew I was here to protect the body that housed my mind but I could not remember how I ended up in the mind of a two-year-old.  
  
"Papa," said Hotaru when her father walked into the nursery.  
  
"Hello angel," said her father.  
  
My body's father was a good man. He stood tall over her small bed and his white hair fell in all directions. Gentle pale blue eyes peered at her from behind silver rimmed glasses and the smile on his face was reflected there as well.  
  
"Papa," she said again as she held her chubby arms up toward him.  
  
"So you want to be held huh. Come here then angel, I'll take you with me today."  
  
Tome Souichi carried the two year old Hotaru over to her dresser and pulled out a little black dress with dark purple flowers on it. I must admit that I did influence my body's taste in clothing, I love black and purple. Hotaru tried to help but her efforts only made it harder to get the dress on. All of us were laughing by the time she was dressed and ready to go, but of course no one heard my laughter.  
  
He carried the small girl protectively in his arms as they left the house and began the short walk to the cemetery. How did I know he was taking us to the cemetery? My body's mind might have been to young to remember the route but I knew it well. I wanted to know where we were going so I encouraged Hotaru to voice my wish.  
  
"Up piggyback," she said and pointed to her father's shoulders.  
  
"Ah so you want the scenic ride ne?" he asked the little girl who smiled in return.  
  
"Piggyback," she said again.  
  
"All right all right, up you go angel."  
  
Hotaru giggled and clapped her hands in her father's hair as he sat her on his shoulders. I found this to be the best vantage point for our walks. I wanted to familiarize myself with this city. Before long we arrived at the cemetery gates and Tome Souichi took his daughter from his shoulders and held her close again. Hotaru stopped giggling and mimicked her father's sad face on her own small one. I too remember the reason we are here and remain silent.  
  
We walk together, weaving a well-worn path to a familiar spot. He stopped, set us down on the ground, and looked down at the marker,  
  
Tome Keiko mother and wife  
  
"The flame of eternal love shall never be extinguished."  
  
1950-1980  
  
  
  
Hotaru looked to her father and studied his face as he cried silent tears for his wife, her mother. I felt genuinely sorry for him, but I couldn't comfort him, I could only watch. Together they placed white roses beside the marker and then once again we were off and walking.  
  
I could tell Souichi was walking without thinking and soon we were at the very hospital where they spent their last moments together. Then I felt it, in the back of my mind, the warmth of an ancient power. That's when the memories started flowing back to me. I was no longer a drifting soul, I had a name, Saturn. I gasped as my body was surrounded by a purple aura and my past memories were returned to me. A single tear streaked down my cheek as the last, most painful, memory replayed itself in my mind. "Princess I'm sorry," I whisper to the emptiness.  
  
Was my princess here as well? Was she suffering the same fate as myself, watching a world she could not take part in? Hotaru played with papa's hair completely oblivious to her father's pensive state and my own agitation. As he stood there a blue four-door sedan screeched to a halt and a very frazzled father jumped out carrying a suitcase with him. When the door opened the warmth increased ten fold. I felt the ancient strength coming to me again as I took control of Hotaru's body.  
  
"Kenji, wait!" shouted his wife from her seat in the car. "You don't need to rush you'll only hurt yourself."  
  
"Yes dear but you need a doctor right away I'll be just a minute."  
  
"Friend," said another voice that was attached to a small girl with sunshine gold hair.  
  
"Where Usagi?" asked the woman as she unfastened her daughter from her car seat.  
  
"There." She was pointing to me.  
  
"Should we go meet her?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
The woman opened the door and removed her very pregnant form slowly. Next she reached in for her daughter who was bouncing happily as she tried to play with her twin golden pigtails. Through Hotaru's eyes I watched as the mother and daughter approached us. The princess was here! The hair was a dead give away. Only the daughters of the royal line could pull off the ondongo hairstyle.  
  
"Hi lady," said Hotaru as I directed her large purple eyes directly on the little girl that the woman held. "Hi ondongo atma." I was sure that would get the princess's attention, she always hated that nickname.  
  
"Me no ondongo!" shouted Usagi as she stuck her tong out at me.  
  
"Hotaru are you causing trouble?" asked Souichi as he pulled me from his shoulders into his arms.  
  
"Hotaru good girl poppa," I said. Well it was the truth, it wasn't Hotaru stirring up trouble, I was.  
  
"Of course angel. I'm sorry I didn't see you coming over my name is Tome Souichi and this is my daughter Hotaru."  
  
"That's all right Usagi just wanted to come over and make a new friend. My name is Tsukino Ikuko."  
  
"It's nice to meet you."  
  
Tsukino, so that was her name in this life. I made a mental note to remember that name for later after all I still had my duty to protect her. Then I saw the man return pushing a wheelchair rather fast and I had to laugh.  
  
"Ikuko, honey I have the wheelchair come on," said Kenji as he came running out of the hospital doors.  
  
"He seems rather anxious," said Souichi as he looked at the panting father.  
  
"Oh he's doing much better this time. Last time he was so nervous he ran in carrying my suitcase and said that it was having his baby."  
  
"Good luck with your family Mrs. Tsukino."  
  
"Good luck with yours as well," said Ikuko as Kenji wheeled her and Usagi into the hospital.  
  
"Bye bye hime," I said quietly as I once again faded into the back of Hotaru's mind. "I will find you again Serenity."  
  
* * *  
  
Professor Tome led a group of researchers through his lab at the prestigious Mugen Gakuen high school genetic engineering lab. Everyone in the group was dressed in long white lab coats except for us; about eight years old, with innocent purple eyes and short black hair. We wore a purple dress with white lace trim and skipped along after our father. I was once again watching from within. Something was wrong here and I could almost sense the negative energy waves coming from this very lab. Father was oblivious to it, as most humans are, and I was once again gaining control of Hotaru's mind. I had to find the evil and destroy it if possible.  
  
"You'll notice this special space in the machine is for exchanging delicate DNA," said Professor Tome as he showed the complex machines to his fellow scientists.  
  
I directed Hotaru over to the big machines and I began to examine them. We moved up close to one of them and I pressed her small hands to the protective plastic shield. As we stood there a black ball of energy began to pulse in the heart of the dome. It formed a ghostly shape and began growing larger. I could sense the evil energy coming from it and I knew it was time to sound the alert.  
  
"Papa what's that?" we asked breaking into the conversation even after we had promised to be quite.  
  
Professor Tome didn't have time to reply as the black energy grew and filled the room. In that split second it exploded throwing Hotaru across the room and killing all the scientists sparing only Professor Tome. I lost control of the body as the fire and force of impact sent her into unconsciousness. The lab was on fire and the building shook around him as he crawled over to his daughter's limp form. I could hear him but Hotaru was loosing the battle for her life. The one good thing about this is that if she dies, even if it means I failed to protect her, I can once again be a free spirit.  
  
"Hotaru! Answer me, Hotaru! Hotaru! No, it can't be, Hotaru!" he cried as he shook his precious baby.  
  
The last spark of her life blinked out and I was free again. My memories of the past and future return to me completely as I look around the now burning lab. Hotaru's father is reliving his wife's death as I watch him cry over Hotaru's small form. "I'm here papa don't worry I'm fine," I whisper but I know he can't hear me. To him I'm not even his daughter.  
  
Then it comes again. The black monster of death that killed my body and set me free. "I will destroy you in the name of Saturn!" My threat goes unheard as it offers to save my body and my father as well. "Don't listen to it! It's evil let me kill it. Papa don't!" But as before my words are only for my ears as the monster enters my father's body and I'm pulled once again into the fog of Hotaru's mortal mind.  
  
* * *  
  
Sixteen-year-old Tome Hotaru sat on the park bench reading from one of her many books and I sat inside bored. For the past eight years I had watched as our father worked for the very evil I was sworn to destroy. I could only watch as the man I had grown to love disappeared almost all together. He was nothing more than a shell, yet in the back of my mind I could sense that he was in there, trapped just like me.  
  
Hotaru had grown into a beautiful, yet weak, young woman. I used my powers, as little as they are in this state, to help her health. I was resigned to reading the pages along with her when a high pitched voice triggered a familiar feeling. At first it was just a whisper that tugged at my mind. A memory trying to surface. It was like the ancient power of the crystal, but different, and that in itself was most confusing.  
  
"Please catch it that hat's important!" the voice was louder this time and Hotaru looked up to see a pink haired girl running after a hat caught in the wind.  
  
"I'm close enough that I could catch it for her," thought Hotaru as she put down her book and ran after the hat. "Wait!" She called to it in hopes that it would stop before she ran out of breath. I was helping her, lending her my strength, but I too was weakening. Luckily just as her lungs began to get the tightening sensation that accompanied one of her "spells" Hotaru reached it and collapsed to the ground holding the hat still with both hands.  
  
The young girl caught up with her and bent down to pick up the hat but Hotaru beat her to it. "Here you go," she said as she handed the hat to the pink haired girl.  
  
"Thank you," the pink haired girl said as she crushed the hat to her small body.  
  
"You're very lucky that it didn't land in the stream."  
  
"Are you ok?"  
  
Hotaru had begun to fight for breath as she sat on the ground and I couldn't do anything to help her. One hand automatically came up to her chest as if it could possibly help her breathing. "I'll be fine," she gasped. "It's just a fit...it will pass."  
  
The pink haired girl just stood there unable to do anything for us. We stayed like that for five minutes. Hotaru fighting to control her fit and the pink haired girl watching with worry. Finally Hotaru sat up straight and looked to the pink haired girl. What I saw in her cinnamon eyes made me jump. Serenity, no it couldn't be, could it?  
  
"I'm ok now," said Hotaru.  
  
"I'm glad. Would you like to play with me?" she asked with a smile. "I'm Chibiusa."  
  
"I'm Hotaru," she replied and the two shook hands for the first time. I felt it then, different somehow, the power of the crystal. This was Serenity, but not quite Serenity, another incarnation perhaps? No, because Serenity was incarnated in Tsukino Usagi, not Chibiusa.  
  
The two friends were disturbed by a noise near the filming of a movie in the park so they decided to investigate. I knew what it was. It was the same energy that I lived with every day, the Death Busters. Together Hotaru and Chibiusa hid behind some bushes and watched the daimon attack the movie star. As usual I could only watch as another innocent suffered.  
  
When it seemed that the daimon was about to take the pure crystal heart Sailor Moon and the Sailor Senshi showed up to save the day. It was the first time that I had seen my friends from so long ago and my heart nearly broke at the sight. I recognized Mars, Mercury, Jupiter, and Venus but Sailor Moon was new. I wondered briefly if while I had slept in my tomb Serenity had appointed another guardian. The daimon stole the pure heart crystal. Then the Outer Senshi arrived, my family from so long ago, and blasted the Daimon. The blasts merely distracted the daimon and that's when it noticed us hiding in the bushes. I wanted to blast it, but of course, I could only watch.  
  
"Woo Western!" it shouted as it sent a lasso toward us.  
  
"Look out!" said Chibiusa as she shoved Hotaru out of the way only to be captured herself.  
  
"Chibiusa," whispered Hotaru as fear crept into her mind. She wanted to do something, this was my chance to break free and become the warrior I was, but even if the mind was willing the body still wasn't. Hotaru looked directly at Sailor Moon and that's when I noticed it, the eyes gave it away, Serenity was Sailor Moon!  
  
I watched as the princess I had known as delicate and sweet created a power tier, and with a cry of "Rainbow Moon Heart Ache!", destroyed one of our father's creations. It sickened me to think that our father had been reduced to using his talent for this evil. But I could stomp around Hotaru's mind all I wanted and it wouldn't make a difference. I could only watch.  
  
"Chibiusa!" cried Hotaru as she saw her friend was ok.  
  
"Hotaru. Ouch," said Chibiusa as she fell to the ground landing gracefully on her bottom.  
  
"Your hurt! I'm sorry you tried to protect me."  
  
"It's just a scratch, it's not a problem."  
  
"Let me see it."  
  
This I could help with. The one power that she allowed herself to use, the healing. Hotaru placed a hand over the scrape on Chibiusa's leg and a purple light began to form around the wound. It grew brighter and brighter until the wound was completely gone. It was exhausting but it felt good for even a moment to touch the world.  
  
"Incredible!" said Chibiusa as she looked disbelieving at her healed leg.  
  
"My classmates don't think so. They think it's weird and they don't like me because of it. It's scary to have that kind of power."  
  
"No its not I think it's wonderful."  
  
"You think so?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
A blush crept onto Hotaru's cheeks as Chibiusa smiled at her. I smiled too. This was her first friend. There was no doubt in my mind now that this was another Serenity. Hotaru was about to say something when her eyes went wide and she crumpled to the ground in another fit. I couldn't help her fight it this time because I was still weak myself.  
  
"Hotaru!"  
  
"I'll be alright," gasped Hotaru as she fought for air.  
  
"Hang in there Hotaru."  
  
* * *  
  
Chibiusa insisted on escorting us home after what happened in the park. She claimed that it was too dangerous for a girl to be walking alone so she would protect her. I laughed at that statement. It was my job to protect Hotaru until I could awaken her memories of her duty but until then the pink haired girl would have to do. After all if she was another Serenity she could control the crystal and probably defend us from any daimon father could create.  
  
"I'm sorry to worry you," said Hotaru as we neared her home.  
  
"It's ok," said Chibiusa with a smile that lit up her small face.  
  
"Papa?"  
  
Tome Souichi walked out of the front door and Hotaru ran to him. I cringed every time she touched him. The dark energy would try to reach out for us but I kept it away.  
  
"Hotaru? What happened I was worried you were so late," he said as he looked over us.  
  
"I had a small fit. This is Chibiusa she came to see me off."  
  
"Did she?" I didn't like the way he looked at her. He was dissecting her in his mind. Probably looking for a way to use her for a new source of power. "Thank you Chibiusa. Good bye now."  
  
"Bye," she called in return.  
  
"Can I see you again Chibiusa?" asked Hotaru. I didn't even have to prompt her to ask; perhaps now I could have a chance to find out why I thought she was Serenity.  
  
"Of course were friends now!"  
  
"Friends!"  
  
"I'm glad for you Hotaru," father said through a rehearsed smile.  
  
"Bye Hotaru!"  
  
"Bye Chibiusa!"  
  
"Please come and visit us you're invited," father shouted after her with a final wave.  
  
As we walked into the house I couldn't help but feel a new hope building inside of me. Maybe it was time to start fighting for control of this body. If that was Serenity, no matter what incarnation, I had an obligation to protect her from the dangers in this house. She would come to visit and I would be ready to protect her.  
  
* * *  
  
It was getting crowded in here now. There was a part of Hotaru's mind that was blocked off and I could sense the evil inside of it. I knew it was dangerous but I couldn't get to it to destroy it. Maybe when Hotaru's new friend Chibiusa visited today the small power boost from being close to a Serenity would help me break into it. This evil, no matter how small it was, was a cause for worry and needed to be destroyed.  
  
There had been another black out earlier today. They had been happening more often and the block in Hotaru's mind was slowly growing in size. If not for my abilities I probably would have started feeling a tad bit crowded inside of her mind. Hotaru finally got it together and made it slowly down the hall and into the living room. When she opened the door I was knocked over by the energy waves.  
  
There on the sofa were two girls, one was Chibiusa, and the other was an older blonde girl. Both wore their hair up in two buns with ponytails falling from them. If they hadn't been there at the same time I would have thought it odd, the feeling of two crystals, but somehow I expected it. I had found my princess once again.  
  
"Chibiusa!" said Hotaru as I tried to scream out Serenity's name.  
  
"Hotaru!" said Chibiusa.  
  
"A girl?" questioned the older girl. I laughed, Serenity was obviously hoping for a matchmaking scheme for Chibiusa. Some things never change. Serenity was always trying to fix her Senshi up with visiting nobles.  
  
"I never said it was a boy," whispered Chibiusa. That confirmed it.  
  
"Is she your sister?" asked Hotaru. Now that got me thinking, a sister for the princess? No that still wouldn't explain why I felt two crystals. But if Chibiusa were her daughter, that would explain it. The thought nearly floored me. Serenity couldn't have a child already she was too young!  
  
"No, she's my cousin, Usagi. She followed me because she thought I was dating a handsome boy."  
  
"What! Chibiusa I didn't," protested Usagi.  
  
"It's true," countered Chibiusa.  
  
"I wanted to say hello since I am your guardian."  
  
"What are you talking about? I know what you were thinking."  
  
"Well you do follow boys all the time."  
  
"Unlike you, baka Usagi, it's the boys chasing after me."  
  
At this point we both started laughing. It was actually fun to watch the two Serenity's fighting like this. Hotaru was enjoying it as much as I was because it was a welcomed change from the regular dull atmosphere around this house. When we started laughing they both fell silent and by the looks on their faces they were both embarrassed.  
  
"I'm sorry welcome to my house I'm Tomoe Hotaru."  
  
"Thank you for inviting us," said Usagi.  
  
"Would you like to see my room?" asked Hotaru. Maybe if they came into her room they could sense the same evil that I could. That would cause Serenity to come and investigate and maybe on her next visit I would be free.  
  
"Then I'll take this coffee to your room," said Kaolinite as she turned to go down the hall.  
  
"That's all right don't stick your nose into my business Kaolinite," snapped Hotaru as she grabbed the tray from the woman and gave her a look that would have scared any normal human. On the position of Kaolinite we agreed that she was no good.  
  
Hotaru led our guests into the hall and towards her room. "I'm sorry for that. My father is a scientist and she comes to help sometimes but I don't like her very much."  
  
"Where's your mother Hotaru," asked Usagi.  
  
She stopped and I could feel the sadness overwhelm her as she remained turned from their gaze and whispered, "She died a long time ago."  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to."  
  
"No that's all right I want to get to know more about you Chibiusa."  
  
She opened the door to her room and both of them stared in awe at the sight. The drapes were drawn and her lamp collection lit the room nicely. Chibiusa ran inside and started twirling around amazed. Then I felt it again, the weakening sensation that would send her crashing to the floor. I fought it but in the end exhaustion claimed us both.  
  
Usagi and Chibiusa both tried to comfort us but as Hotaru tried to explain to them, it was only a fit. That's when I saw it, a small heart shaped locket with a crescent moon in it's center sticking out of Serenity's bag. Out of curiosity we picked it up, but I wish that we had left it alone. When Hotaru touched it I felt the crystal. I was holding the ancient gem that I had vowed to protect so long ago. The energy from the locket made me stronger and I tried to use that to take control and tell them who we were.  
  
I wasn't fast enough as my world suddenly went darker and finally gone as the evil that had moved into our mind took control of Hotaru. I called out my glaive and tried to at least hurt the evil. I struck blow after blow against it but the darkness didn't budge until it retreated back into it's safe house and suddenly the world was there again. I stood blinking against the dim light of Hotaru's room, the locket was still in our hands.  
  
"Hotaru?" they both asked at the same time.  
  
"Did I say something? You must think I'm very strange," said Hotaru as she returned the locket.  
  
"No I was just worried that's all," said Chibiusa.  
  
"Chibiusa your present," said Usagi as she nudged the smaller girl.  
  
"Oh yes! Here Hotaru for you," she handed us two new manga and a paper that must have been between them fell to the floor.  
  
"There's an autograph session today!" said Usagi as she picked up the piece of paper that had fallen from the present.  
  
"No way!" said Chibiusa as she grabbed the flyer from Usagi. "Let's take Hotaru."  
  
"It's almost over now you should have told me sooner."  
  
"It's not my fault baka."  
  
"We're gonna miss it and it's all your fault!"  
  
"Is not!"  
  
"Is too!"  
  
I couldn't help but laugh again as the two started one of their arguments again. It was easy to see that they had argued like this before. Each serenity used facial expressions so similar it was like watching Serenity argue with her vanity mirror. I sighed and sat down suddenly saddened. I don't think until that very moment I realized how much I missed my friends from so long ago.  
  
* * *  
  
Usagi was running ahead of us and yelling for us to hurry but Chibiusa walked patiently with Hotaru holding her hand the entire way. I could see just a bit of the Serenity that I knew in her eyes as she looked at Hotaru but then it was gone. Chibiusa was not my princess. Looking up we noticed that Usagi had stopped running and was staring at a parking lot. I felt the danger then, a delayed reaction of sorts, to the evil I knew so well.  
  
Chibiusa ran ahead and followed Usagi's gaze with her own. They whispered something and then Chibiusa was pulling us away. I wanted to stay and help, to protect my princess that I had finally found again, but Chibiusa dragged Hotaru away and I could only sit and wait for the feeling of danger to go away. "Be careful my princess," I whispered though no one could hear me.  
  
* * *  
  
Author's Note: So have I hooked you yet? Saturn and Hotaru are slowly merging together but it's going to take longer than either could possibly expect. Come back for part 2, Strengthening, available in January.  
  
E-Mail the author at k340029@excite.com  
  
Catch sneak peeks of all my work, and other talented authors works, at Daydream - www.scribbles.0catch.com 


	4. Strengthening

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is copyright © 1992 Naoko Takeuchi / Kodansha, TOEI Animation. English Language Adaptation © 1995 DiC Entertainment. I'm just borrowing the characters and dialogue for a bit.  
  
Narrated by the Senshi of Silence herself,  
  
I Could Only Watch  
  
By Ceila  
  
Part 2 - Strengthening  
  
Rated PG, Just in case  
  
************************  
  
I really hate the dark. After this I think I may never be two feet from a source of light again. Not that that will be a problem since Hotaru likes lamps as much as I do. If only I could figure out how to break through this darkness. I called my glaive once more and tapped it against the invisible walls around me. Purple sparks flared to life on contact proving that the dark presence was evil.  
  
"Maybe a little more power," I raised the glaive above me and prepared to fire my attack at it when Hotaru starts to open her eyes. I can hear a doorbell?  
  
"It happened again. I don't remember what happens during these seizures." Slowly Hotaru gets up and looks around her bedroom. She stretched and slipped into her slippers and out into the hallway. I had a faint sense of the princess so I encouraged Hotaru to go downstairs.  
  
"Hotaru is resting. Thank you for your visit, but she can't see you," we heard Kaolinite say as the door closed on someone.  
  
"Kaolinite, did somebody come to visit me?" asked Hotaru as she glared at the woman in front of her.  
  
"Just the little girl who was here last time. I told her to go home, of course."  
  
"Why'd you do that?" Hotaru was furious and I wasn't much happier. For some reason I blamed this woman for a good portion of the bad feelings this home gave me. She was evil; the house was full of evil, and even Hotaru was infected with the darkness.  
  
"Hotaru. You're so selfish! Your father is so kind and generous that he allows you to do as you wish. You know that you're sick. You're not strong enough to play," said Kaolinite.  
  
"I'm fine Kaolinite and I want to see Chibiusa, she's my friend!" shouted Hotaru as she ran around Kaolinite, out the door, and after Chibiusa.  
  
"I hope we can catch her," I thought to myself as I willed some of my own strength into her once again. Whatever had caused us to fall asleep earlier or as Hotaru said, "have a seizure", had drained energy from her already frail body.  
  
"Chibiusa!" Hotaru shouted between deep breaths as she waved to her friend.  
  
"Hotaru! Are you okay?" exclaimed the pink haired girl as she moved to help support Hotaru as she slumped to the ground.  
  
"I'm glad I got to you."  
  
"You don't look very good."  
  
We sat on the ground together as Hotaru and Chibiusa talked. I could see the black spots forming in front of our eyes again and I tried to send healing energy to Hotaru but I knew it was a useless battle.  
  
"I'm sorry, Kaolinite sent you away. I wonder if Kaolinite said something terrible to hurt you? I worry that..." The spots increased as Hotaru slumped down further.  
  
"Hotaru! Hotaru!"  
  
"I'm very sorry."  
  
"Hotaru! Hotaru! Hotaru!"  
  
Chibiusa's cries of worry were the last things I heard before everything went completely black and silent once more. I pulled out my glaive again and sat down to amuse myself by tapping a rhythm out on the walls of my "home". No one would have ever guessed that the most powerful Senshi in the world would be trapped inside her own mind.  
  
Then a light started forming next to the wall. At first I thought Hotaru was waking up but then I noticed that the light was forming a shadowy picture window. "She's dreaming," I whispered as I tried to reach out and touch the forming images. My hands met transparent resistance that glowed black and purple at my touch. "Guess I just get to watch, what a shocker," I said as I sat down and sent my glaive back to it's hidden space.  
  
* * *  
  
I watched as the scene changed into Hotaru's bedroom when she was about eight years old. There was water and broken glass on the floor. As the picture widened there was a dead goldfish on the floor as well.  
  
"Who killed Goldie? Who?" cried the young Hotaru.  
  
"I remember that fish. Papa won it for us at the festival."  
  
"It's strange to hear you say that," said a familiar cruel voice. Kaolinite walked into the room. "You did this, so clean up this mess."  
  
"No, I didn't!"  
  
Poor kid that's not something we wanted to remember. I watched as the scene faded from the dead fish to a classroom at school. A group of children were gathered in the corner around a boy who had a cut on his arm. "Oh no not this," I whispered in a plea to the mists.  
  
"What's wrong, did you hurt yourself? Are you okay?" asked Hotaru as she moved to help the wounded boy. The boy shied away from Hotaru with a clear expression of fear on his face.  
  
"You did this, you must be crazy to ask him if he's okay!" shouted another boy in the crowd.  
  
"Yeah, a top student like yourself shouldn't do things like this!" shouted a girl as she tended to the wounded boy.  
  
Hotaru backed away shaking her head in disbelief. She turned and ran from the room on the verge of tears. "Is this what's been happening when she gets one of her seizures?" I asked as my own eyes filled with tears. The mists swirled in front of me again and changed to her house. Our father was standing there. He smiled but the emotion didn't penetrate his eyes.  
  
"It seems that I've hurt my friends again, but I really don't remember!" Hotaru cried to her father as he wrapped an arm around her.  
  
"Nothing to be worried about, Hotaru. You're not a bad girl, nothing is wrong with you, absolutely nothing," said her father in a reassuring voice.  
  
"I can't make friends. It seems that another person lives inside me...another part of me that would hurt my dear friends."  
  
The dream window faded away leaving a small fuzzy white circle. "I remember, but the other person inside of her was me and I would never do something to harm an innocent." I turn to face the darkness and an idea hits me. I must be getting stupid in my time trapped here. "Who's hiding in there?" The darkness does nothing to answer me, not that I was expecting an answer, but it would have been nice.  
  
"Whatever or whoever you are I will not allow you to take control of this body. In the name of Saturn I will protect my chosen host." I said with authority as I twirled the glaive in front of the invisible walls. "Hotaru is a child of the light. I will not allow you to turn her into a child of darkness. With Serenity as my witness I will protect her!" With a shout I slammed the blunt end of the glaive into the ground and began looking for signs of another presence in Hotaru's mind.  
  
* * *  
  
Hotaru opened her eyes to see Chibiusa sitting next to her with a very worried look on her face. Eyes so like the princess I served looked at us with an identical message of love and compassion.  
  
"Hotaru," she said as a smile lit her face.  
  
"Chibiusa," Hotaru returned her smile.  
  
"No, don't get up yet, Hotaru."  
  
"I'm okay."  
  
"There's no pain? Can you breathe alright?"  
  
Hotaru nodded in answer to each question as her smile grew. I was about ready to slug the pink haired girl. I could only take so much cheeriness.  
  
"I'm glad! I'm glad!"  
  
"Chibiusa," said Hotaru in a voice that clearly meant calm down.  
  
Now that Chibiusa was quiet I could pay attention to the rest of the room. I felt the familiar power of my fellow Senshi. As Hotaru looked around I noticed a quiet blue haired girl with an aura of intelligence and power around her. "Mercury," I whispered as a solitary tear leaked down my face. She looked just the same. Usagi was there too but she was sitting silently just watching us.  
  
"Do you feel better now?" asked Mercury. Hotaru didn't know her name and I didn't either.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"It's better if you lie down for a while."  
  
"I'm okay. I often get seizures," said Hotaru as she sat up.  
  
"Are you sure you're okay?" asked Chibiusa who was still unconvinced that Hotaru could recover so quickly.  
  
"I'm very sorry about the trouble I caused," said Hotaru as she slipped into her shoes.  
  
"My mother is a doctor, she'll be here soon," said Mercury from the doorway.  
  
"I'm sorry, I was told specifically not to see any doctors. I'm leaving." We got up and walked across the room even if I wanted to linger. "See you, Chibiusa. Thank you!"  
  
"I'll send you off," said Chibiusa as she follows Hotaru out the door.  
  
"Thank you very much."  
  
"Hotaru!" called Usagi as we're walking towards the elevators. "My mother's hot cakes are very delicious. Please drop by my home some time and taste them, okay?"  
  
"Yes," replied Hotaru in a tired voice with a sad smile on her face. She knew as well as I do that her father won't let her do that.  
  
* * *  
  
Once outside Chibiusa and Hotaru turned to say good bye but that's when I felt another presence. Something just as old as the princess but in a way even more familiar. The feeling of the rushing wind, but there wasn't a breeze, so that meant...  
  
"Hey, cute girl!" shouted a voice from beside a bright yellow sports car.  
  
"Haruka!" Chibiusa practically squealed as she waved to her older friend.  
  
"Hi! I could give you a ride, if you'd like."  
  
"Thank you, Haruka."  
  
"Ah Uranus. Still into racing from the looks of it." I took a closer look at the car and noticed how well kept it was. As Chibiusa and I got into her car I noticed the looks Haruka kept sending me in the rearview mirror. Uranus only looks like that when she thinks something isn't right. Could she sense the evil that surrounded me?  
  
"Is this the right road?" she asked in a neutral tone.  
  
"Yes." replied Hotaru. I pounded on the walls surrounding me. Yes was all she was going to say! The outer Senshi were always more in tune with evil vibes, with the exception of Mars, so why couldn't I ask her for help?  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
"I'm Tomoe Hotaru."  
  
"By any chance, are you the daughter of Professor Tomoe?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Haruka threw a surprised and intimidating look back at Hotaru in the rearview mirror. Finally someone had made the connection! I wanted to jump up and down with joy. "She knows! She'll tell Neptune and together they'll get me out of this mess. Now if only I can give them a sign that I'm in here." I sat down and began to concentrate. If I could gain control of Hotaru's body for just a moment maybe I could give them a message.  
  
"Hotaru, may I come over to your house again?" asked Chibiusa.  
  
"Yes, come again, I'm glad that you did." Hotaru replied with a smile.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Alright!"  
  
I barely heard the conversation Hotaru had and that's saying something for a person inside the mind of another. Concentrate on Saturn was my mantra and it was almost working. That's when the walls around me started pulsing in the darkness and the familiar sensation of evil swirled around me trying to block my efforts to get out. It was strong but I was getting stronger.  
  
"The wind is rustling..." whispered Haruka as she stopped the car near a park.  
  
"Why'd you stop here?" asked Chibiusa as she looked around noticing a small cafe across the park.  
  
"Sorry, I'm very thirsty. Please wait here, I'm going for some water."  
  
Haruka jumped from the car and ran into the park. Chibiusa looked after her and so did Hotaru. Why was she running away from the car! I was getting close to breaking through I could feel it. I could also feel the vibrations of evil getting stronger around me. The energy hit me trying to break my concentration. Then suddenly the internal struggle stopped and I was able to concentrate once more. I should have been worried at the sudden loss of competition for Hotaru's mind but I wasn't.  
  
Chibiusa looked to the park and whispered, "Could it be..." She turned to us and said, "Hotaru, please wait here," as she too left the car and entered the park.  
  
Where did they think I was going to go? I don't know how to get home, Hotaru didn't know how to get home, and to top it off she was starting to have trouble breathing. Great Hotaru was going to have an attack and I'd lose my concentration. I needed to focus. I had to get control.  
  
"It's happening again..." moaned Hotaru as her body started to shake with a seizure.  
  
I could feel the evil getting closer to us. We won't be safe here and if she wouldn't let me out how could I protect her. "Hotaru you need to let me out of here," I screamed. Hotaru's head was down so all I could see was the sidewalk but even if Hotaru wasn't listening I was and I heard the battle cries in the background. I heard the blasts as a daimon attacked my friends. I called my glaive to me and prepared to fight my way out when suddenly Hotaru's mind weakened and I had control.  
  
Hotaru's body began to glow in the purple aura of Saturn and I grinned as I felt, with my own senses, the sidewalk beneath us. I turned our head and looked up in time to see a daimon skipping rope and running at the same time. That wasn't all that impressive but she was headed right at us and that presented a problem.  
  
"Out of my way! Out of my way!" it hollered as it continued it's run towards us.  
  
Ha who did this daimon think she was to order me around? I should have given it a good tong lashing. After all the pre attack speeches were a tradition but there wasn't time for that. So instead I just smiled at her and stared her down. I let the power of Saturn flow through me in an imitation of Pluto's forbidden Time Stop. The Daimon stopped, captured in a wave of purple energy, it's face frozen in fear.  
  
"I can't move, who are you?" asked the daimon as she tried in vain to get away from me. I just continued to smile.  
  
The rest of the Senshi caught up to the now frozen daimon and looked on in awe. Had they really forgotten what the power of Saturn could do? They're acting like they've never seen me do this before.  
  
"This is..." Uranus started to say.  
  
"Hotaru!" shouted all the rest.  
  
"They've really forgotten me. Even with my aura present around this body they still can't tell that I'm in here too." I looked over to Uranus and in her eyes I saw recognition and... fear? "Why would she be afraid of me? Saturn is a child of the light even if our power is death. Have they forgotten that I also have the power of life?"  
  
"Sailor Moon!" shouted Venus as she shook us all out of our thoughts and back to the present.  
  
Sailor Moon nodded her head and brought out, the holy grail. Sailor Moon had the grail too! She can't be more than sixteen and she's already achieved a higher level of power than any Senshi had in the past. What were these monsters that they would require the princess to wield so much power?  
  
"Crisis! Make-up!" she shouted and I watched in awe as my princess turned into a butterfly goddess before reverting to Super Sailor Moon. With a twist of her wrist a power tier appeared in her hands and she began the motions of her attack.  
  
"Rainbow..." as her attack started that's when I felt the first power drain. I was losing control. "Moon Heart Ache!" shouted Sailor Moon as she unleashed her power at the daimon right as my aura faded back into Hotaru's body and the daimon was free to move again.  
  
"Love... lovely!" cried the daimon as the attack turned it into dust.  
  
As the last reserves of my aura faded back into Hotaru's body she slumped to the ground not quite unconscious. I could feel them all watching us, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Uranus, Mercury, Princess, they all just stared as Chibiusa ran up to us and wrapped Hotaru's body in a hug. Why are they so afraid of me? It had to be me they were afraid of but they acted like they didn't remember Saturn. Were they really afraid of this child that I shared a mind and body with? I sat down and placed my head in my hands. "Have I lost all my friends?"  
  
"Hotaru, talk to me. Hotaru!" cried Chibiusa as she hugged Hotaru.  
  
"Chibiusa..." whispered Hotaru as she sat up and Chibiusa relaxed her grip.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"I don't think we should see each other. If we continue being friends, I might hurt you."  
  
"Oh boy here we go again," I mumbled to myself as I tried to get a glimpse of the Senshi in the background. I was too weak to take control, too tired to send a message, so I sat back and watched as Hotaru blinked back tears and started backing away from Chibiusa.  
  
"Why?" asked Chibiusa as she tried to comfort Hotaru.  
  
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" cried Hotaru as she ran away from the only friend that I could remember us having.  
  
"Hotaru!"  
  
Chibiusa's cry followed us as we ran down the street and around the corner. If Hotaru's emotions were any indication she understood that she had powers that were capable of harming others. I placed a hand against the wall of her mind and tried to send her the message that her power was not only destruction but protection as well. But the message never got through and the walls around me pulsed with dark energy as Hotaru ran all the way home.  
  
"Well that went just great," I mumbled to the darkness around me. Hotaru had cried herself to sleep after the run home and now I was awake and bored. There are only so many things you can do inside the mind of a child especially when you only have yourself and a very dangerous looking glaive for company. One can only twiddle their thumbs for so long before it becomes habit. Considering I had been trapped in here for sixteen years I think twiddling my thumbs was the least of the bad habits I've picked up.  
  
* * *  
  
The educational system on this planet is rather odd. Of course maybe it 's just the school that Hotaru goes to. We attend Mugen High School. It's a unique facility that houses kindergarten through college and our father, Tomoe Souichi, is the owner. I wish we could have given father some input about the uniforms, I mean plaid skirts, oh well I'm used to them by now. What I'm not used to is the building.  
  
The tower that is this school exudes an evil energy so strong I'm surprised the Senshi haven't found it yet. Perhaps their senses have been dulled over time but I felt it. It was the same energy that came from father's lab at home. The same energy that tries daily to invade our mind and turn Hotaru into a vessel for their evil purpose. I'm sick of it but my job is not to act, only watch, as everything unfolds around me. I was at the mercy of fate and time.  
  
Hotaru was walking home from school and I was enjoying the scenery as we glanced into shop windows. A rather large toy store was coming up on our left and that's when I heard the sound of laughter and felt the power. Hotaru didn't stop to look until she was in front of the open door. Chibiusa, Usagi, and a young man were arguing and laughing together.  
  
"Hey! Hey! All right, all right," the young man was quickly agreeing as both girls tried to get his full attention.  
  
"Now who are you to get the attentions of two guardians of the crystal?" I asked myself. That's when I noticed the foggy image forming next to me. "A happy memory?"  
  
I watched as the scene took shape and a younger Hotaru was held high by her father as her mother watched. The wind ripples her hair and Hotaru's laughter fills our mind. "That was a happy day and seeing that makes me think that these three are a family too. Maybe not a traditional family but they seem to be connected by a bond that is more than love." I shook my head as the image faded away to nothing.  
  
"Oh, Hotaru!" squealed Chibiusa as she turns from her friends and notices us in the doorway. She started running towards us full of her happy energy but before she could even get halfway to the door Hotaru started walking away. We could hear footsteps on the sidewalk behind us.  
  
"Wait, Hotaru!"  
  
Hotaru stopped but did not turn around to look at Chibiusa.  
  
"Please don't run away from me! We're friends, right?"  
  
"Friends?" questioned Hotaru as she finally turned around to see Chibiusa standing there grinning. She looked so happy to see us.  
  
"Right! That's right!"  
  
"Chibiusa..." Hotaru was fighting tears as she turned from Chibiusa and ran away down the street.  
  
"Don't be sad Hotaru I'm still here with you. You're not alone," I whispered as she ran towards home. We didn't stop to look at anymore shops. "Why are you still so afraid of having friends?" But my questions went unanswered as I watched the world fly by.  
  
* * *  
  
"Home? Our room? How did we get here?" I wondered aloud as Hotaru opened her eyes and looked around her room. She's getting used to these blackouts but I'm not. I noticed that the walls around me were starting to solidify. The floor beneath my feet was already a solid black. I tapped at it lightly with my fingers and it made a dull sound as if it were quite thick. "Now what does this mean?" Nothing here was solid except for me and now this floor. Who was doing this?  
  
Hotaru got up and walked downstairs with a defeated posture. These blackouts bothered her more than she was willing to admit. Up ahead the front door was open and Kaolinite was taking something from someone. It looked like a stuffed, bunny?  
  
"Good bye!" exclaimed a cheery voice that belonged to none other than Chibiusa.  
  
"Kaolinite, that's..." Hotaru ran forward and grabbed the bunny from her hands and held it close to her body.  
  
"That same girl asked me to give this to you," said Kaolinite as she crossed her arms and flipped some of her long red hair over her shoulder.  
  
Hotaru pulled a note out of the bag and read, "Hotaru, lets go for a picnic tomorrow. I'll bring a big lunch. Take the backpack with you. From Chibiusa."  
  
From the corner of Hotaru's eye I can see Kaolinite scowling at us as we read. Why does that woman hate us as much as we hate her? It's not like I'm after her job or anything.  
  
"Doesn't she know that you're sick?" asked Kaolinite.  
  
"It's a good idea," says a male voice just to our right.  
  
Hotaru looks up, "Poppa!"  
  
"I'm too busy doing my research that I don't have time to take care of you. I hope you'll enjoy the picnic."  
  
Was this really our father? Hotaru breaks into a smile and nods her head to her father as thanks. I broke into a smile when I saw the look on Kaolinite's face. "Oh does seeing Hotaru enjoy herself make you feel bad?" I taunted as she turned and stalked away down the hall. I so love to see her aggravated. Maybe I can make Hotaru do something to get her dander up more often. But until tomorrow I'll just look forward to seeing my princess again because where Chibiusa is Usagi is not far behind.  
  
* * *  
  
Following the directions Chibiusa sent with the bag we round the last corner and see a red sports car with it's trunk open and the young man from the other day and Usagi are trying to stuff a rather large picnic basket into the trunk. We couldn't really need that much food for our small party could we? Hotaru slowed down as we got closer and the trunk finally closed over the large basket. Through the windows of the car I see Chibiusa standing on the other side as she looked up to see us.  
  
"Hotaru!" she squealed as she ran toward us and with a flying leap wrapped both arms around our body in a hug. "Let's picnic together," said Chibiusa as she dragged us to the car.  
  
Before we got too much closer Hotaru held out the bunny bag that Chibiusa had sent to her and smiles. It's a genuine smile too because even I can feel the happiness that surrounds our body today. "Now I just need to figure out who the guy is and then I can relax," I mumbled as I sat back and tried to get comfortable. That's when I noticed another person in our group, small and almost invisible, a black cat jumped into the back seat as the rest of us piled into the car. But not just any black cat this one had a crescent moon marking on it's forehead.  
  
Chibiusa made a hasty introduction and we learned that the young man driving was Chiba Mamoru and Usagi's boyfriend. At that comment my princess blushed scarlet and Chibiusa snickered. The cat was introduced to us as Luna. My jaw hit the floor as Hotaru calmly petted the cat. "Luna! But she's got to be over a thousand yeas old by now!" I screamed as the shock sinks in. "Did Serenity send everyone back to be born again? Are we all trapped inside our own minds?" By now I was pacing back and forth and far too preoccupied with my own thoughts to notice the scenery.  
  
We arrived at a green house and everyone exclaimed about how big and open everything was. Even I had to admit it was pretty impressive. Chibiusa started running around and Hotaru tried to follow but tired quickly and collapsed. She smiles to show she's alright. I kicked the invisible barrier that kept me here. "We're stronger than this," I mumbled as I sat back and watched. Mamoru brought out a camera and started snapping pictures. He got some great action shots of Chibiusa and some rather embarrassing moment's of Usagi's on film. Later he showed us the picture of Hotaru in the flowers. I smiled appreciatively, "She actually looks happy in this one. Well done Mamoru."  
  
After a bit of a rest we moved into a game of leapfrog using Usagi as the first obstacle. Chibiusa was a pro as she hopped over giggling the entire time. I chuckled to myself, her energy was contagious, so pure. I shivered as the darkness below me began to pulse in it's corner. "Be careful Chibiusa." Hotaru was next. She ran right up to Usagi and vaulted over her with ease but landed on all fours as another attack weakened her. I stepped forward and placed a hand on the wall and sent some of my healing energy into Hotaru's body. "You'll be ok Hotaru."  
  
Mamoru rushed to Hotaru's side and asked, "Are you ok?"  
  
"Yes," Hotaru whispered with a nod of her head as Mamoru helped her back onto her feet.  
  
"An old friend of mine is working in this building his life's work is in botany, specializing in roses."  
  
Hotaru just stood there gazing at the greenhouse as Mamoru tried his best to cheer her up. In the background I could hear Usagi and Chibiusa fighting again. Hotaru and Mamoru both noticed and shared a knowing smile at the girls childish display.  
  
* * *  
  
After a brief walkthrough of the greenhouse Mamoru's friend met us and we set up the picnic outside in a perfect spot under a cherry tree. Sempai, as everyone called him, brought koroke for himself while the rest of us dug into the lunch Usagi had put together. I watched as the plates of food were passed out and Usagi and Chibiusa attacked their meals with equal enthusiasm.  
  
"How's your new rose hybrid project going?" Mamoru asked his sempai.  
  
"Oh, just one more step and it will be done," replied Sempai through a mouthful of koroke.  
  
"He eats just like Usagi and Chibiusa," I giggled as Hotaru caught a glimpse of the man stuffing his face. I stopped giggling as the floor below me began to pulse again. The I felt the familiar sensation of evil, our father's evil, coming closer. Hotaru just picked at her food while I paced back and forth wondering when the trouble would begin.  
  
"Hotaru, don't hesitate, eat plenty," said Usagi as she handed Hotaru another plate of food. "Here you go."  
  
"Yes," said Hotaru as she placed the plate of food she had been picking at on the blanket next to Luna who purred in appreciation.  
  
Usagi looked to Chibiusa who was deftly avoiding the green peppers. "Chibiusa, eat the green peppers too."  
  
"Mamoru isn't eating his either!" countered Chibiusa as she knowingly shifts Usagi's attentions to poor Mamoru.  
  
"What!" she exclaimed as she turned to look disbelieving at Mamoru's plate where a small pile of green peppers tries to hide in a nonexistent corner. "Mamoru! You've got to eat the green peppers too." Usagi began to take on a look I remember our mother having when we were very little. This should be fun to watch.  
  
"I'm not really interested..." Mamoru tried to protest.  
  
"Eat!"  
  
"Okay okay," mumbled Mamoru as he grudgingly ate the peppers.  
  
Usagi turned to Chibiusa who was looking at Mamoru as a traitor to her cause. "Now it's your turn Chibiusa, eat up!"  
  
"Okay," grumbled Chibiusa as she began to eat her peppers under the watchful eye of Usagi.  
  
"That's a mother's trick if I ever saw one," I managed between laughs.  
  
"Hotaru don't you like lunch?" asked Chibiusa after her peppers were gone.  
  
"No, it reminds me of my father. We haven't been on a picnic in a long time," Hotaru put her head down cutting off my view but put it back up when Sempai spoke up.  
  
"Sometimes, as adults, we're too busy to take care of our family. I understand that you're lonely, but try to enjoy yourself," said Sempai as he went back to his koroke.  
  
* * *  
  
I don't want to remember the rest of that day. If I had my choice I wouldn't remember the rest of any of those days. The monsters that our father turned loose were horrible. The pain from the growing evil presence tortured me as each second in the prison of her mind ticked by. I wanted to act, to fight, to scream, to do anything but watch, but I had no choice.  
  
Father sent a daimon out for another pure heart crystal. Just it's presence in the area disturbed the natural flow of energies so much that a sudden hail storm damaged many of the fragile glass windows of the greenhouse. Hotaru was helping Sempai repair one of them over a bed of seedlings when our fathers creation made it's grand appearance.  
  
It was a yellow rose twisted with the evil energy that my father cultivated. A sign of friendship twisted into a sign of fear and hatred. Hotaru and Sempai gasped as the Daimon stepped into the greenhouse and with a scream of "Ubara!" knocked the ladder out from under us. Hotaru was left unconscious and that left me in the dark.  
  
I sat down on the new floor of Hotaru's mind and concentrated on reaching into Hotaru's subconscious. With a small boost of healing energy I was able to touch her sleeping mind and take control of her body once more. When our eyes opened I saw Ubara removing the crystal from Sempai and attacking a small Senshi that I didn't recognize.  
  
"Those people who don't care about plants will destroy our Earth. Agent of love and justice, pretty Sailor Soldier in training......Sailor Chibi Moon! In the name of the future moon, I'll punish you!" shouted the pink haired Senshi as she struck a pose.  
  
"Chibi Moon?" the surprise of yet another Senshi caused me to loose my hold on Hotaru's mind and we slipped back into oblivion. "Who the heck is Chibi Moon? What in the name of Serenity is going on here!" I took a few deep breaths and reached out for Hotaru again. Another faint presence was there too. It wasn't trying to stop what I was doing. If I had known it was learning from me maybe I would have been content just watching the battle but hindsight is always twenty twenty.  
  
I took control again and a purple aura flared to life around Hotaru's fragile body. I looked up to see Sailor Chibi Moon and my princess trapped by roots Ubara had sprouted. Most of them had headed straight for the "danger" as Ubara saw the Senshi but it didn't think we were a threat and that was it's mistake. We grabbed one of the roots in our hands and started absorbing it's life energy, draining it to the point of death, causing it to wilt and release the princess and Chibi Moon.  
  
"I'm drying up," it whined as it's shriveled body sagged towards the floor.  
  
"Now Sailor Moon," shouted a masked man standing behind the princess.  
  
"Yes!" answered Sailor Moon as she brings forth the chalice and takes her Super Sailor Moon form. A few motions of her hands brought out the power tier and with a shout of "Rainbow Moon Heart Ache!" Ubara became dust blown away by the wind.  
  
"Be careful princess," I whispered as I lost possession of Hotaru's body to her awakening mind. I was stronger now but Hotaru, when awake, was still the stronger willed of our two minds.  
  
As Hotaru woke and opened her eyes I blinked at the sudden light. Chibiusa was there along with Sempai and lots of small children. They were all so worried for such little children. A part of me hated our father for his part in this. The other part said that this worry was a sign of love and for that I was happy.  
  
"Hotaru!" cried Chibiusa as she wrapped us in a hug. "I'm glad you're safe."  
  
"Chibiusa," mumbled Hotaru as she returned her friends embrace.  
  
"Poppa are you ok?" chorused the small children now clustering around the slightly disoriented Sempai  
  
"I'm fine," he reassured his small army. "I must have been dreaming."  
  
* * *  
  
A short while later Hotaru left with Usagi, Chibiusa, Luna, and Mamoru. The visit had been fun and gave me another chance to touch the world I could only watch. I met a few more people from my world sent here by Serenity including the timeless Luna. Poor Luna has to watch over the princess by herself now unless Artemis is here with her too. I thought I had all the time in the world to sit and ponder the answers to my questions but as Pluto once told me, time stops for no one.  
  
I leaned up against the new solid black walls that surrounded me. "Three walls painted to match the floor, how quaint. What's next a matching ceiling?" I sighed. "I'm getting stronger but so are you," I said to the emptiness around me as Hotaru got ready for bed. I knocked on one of the walls and was rewarded with a sound similar to the floor. "You're boxing me up aren't you? Well it's not going to work I'm getting stronger now and I swear that you will not be allowed to take her mind for your own."  
  
A shiver ran down my spine and from the depths of Hotaru's mind, in that dark corner I couldn't reach, I sensed someone watching me. An evil that was growing just as strong as I was. It was watching and waiting and a battle for Hotaru was about to begin.  
  
* * *  
  
Author's Note: Saturn finally touched the world but can one small taste satisfy her need for human contact? What is the growing evil inside Hotaru's mind and why can't Saturn harm it? Come back for part 3, To Live, available in February.  
  
E-Mail the Author at k340029@excite.com  
  
Catch sneak peeks of all my work, and other talented authors works, at Daydream - www.scribbles.0catch.com 


	5. To Live

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is copyright © 1992 Naoko Takeuchi / Kodansha, TOEI Animation. English Language Adaptation © 1995 DiC Entertainment. I'm just borrowing the characters and dialogue for a bit.  
  
Narrated by the Senshi of Silence herself,  
  
I Could Only Watch  
  
By Ceila  
  
Part 3 - To Live  
  
Rated PG, Just in case  
  
************************  
  
Hotaru was listening to the news in her room as she wrote a letter. Her homework was done and I was curious about what she was working on. I looked down at her desk and noticed that she was just finishing her letter. It wasn't very long, maybe a page. I started reading and noticed that it was a fan letter to Hayase Shun! "Hotaru when did you get interested in sports?" Wait what was that announcer saying.  
  
"Please welcome Hayase Shun, he stands like a shining star. He starts running and jumps!" the announcer pauses and the crowd cheers. "Incredible! He has just established a new record jump in Japan!" The crowd roars again. "He said that he was too weak and spent his childhood in a hospital. Now he's made a new record! Congratulations, Hayase Shun!"  
  
Looking around her desk again I saw the magazine with Hayase's picture on the front. "He's cute Hotaru. I think you have a little crush," I giggled as Hotaru gave her letter a final proof reading. The letter said that he was an inspiration to Hotaru who was a weak child as well. "Your example helps me believe that I can become stronger one day too," I read aloud as Hotaru signed the letter. Neither of us heard the door open.  
  
"I didn't know you had such a hobby," said Kaolinite from directly over our shoulder.  
  
"Go away!" shouted Hotaru as she spun around to confront Kaolinite. "I told you to knock before entering my room!"  
  
"You don't like me very much."  
  
"Well duh isn't it obvious?" I shouted as Hotaru just stood there guarding her desk.  
  
"Shun Hayase?" asked Kaolinite as she noticed the magazine and letter on Hotaru's desk. "A love letter?" she picked it up and began reading.  
  
"Stop it!" screamed Hotaru as she snatched the letter out of Kaolinite's hands. Then she gave Kaoli an odd look. "You've been acting strange, Kaolinite!" Hotaru was catching on! I had my suspicions that Kaolinite was working with our father but I never had proof. Hotaru must be getting bad vibes from her too.  
  
"Strange?" said Kaolinite in an offended voice. "It's you! You write a letter and you don't have the courage to mail it." As she left the room laughing she slammed the door behind her. Hotaru walked over to her bed and hugged a teddy bear tight. Her vision was blurry as she cried silent tears because of that woman's uncaring words.  
  
"She's right I don't have courage," whispered Hotaru as she began to sob into the bears soft fur.  
  
"No! You do have courage Hotaru. If you didn't have courage I couldn't be here. You need to believe in yourself that's all." I said to her but as usual my voice just echoed back to my own ears.  
  
* * *  
  
The next day Hotaru arrived at Chibiusa's house for a visit. Hotaru brought her letter along with her to show her friend. I was sure Chibiusa would convince Hotaru to believe in herself and send the letter. The pink haired kid had so much energy and love in her that maybe some of it could give Hotaru that boost of confidence she needed.  
  
"Hotaru, I'm glad you came for a visit," said Chibiusa as she and Hotaru sat around the living room table.  
  
"I'm sorry that I came suddenly," said Hotaru as she bowed her head in apology.  
  
"You're more than welcome, please stay as long as you like."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Oh, hello Hotaru," said Usagi as she entered the living room. Chibiusa and Hotaru both looked up as she entered. I smiled as the energy of the princess washed over me. It was impossible not to smile or be happy when she was around. "Chibiusa, didn't you serve tea to our guest?" asked Usagi as she gave the look to Chibiusa.  
  
"Don't worry, it's..." started Hotaru in an effort to prevent the inevitable.  
  
"Ikuko-momma is out. Why don't you serve instead of asking me? I'm still a child," said Chibiusa as she turned back to us with her arms folded.  
  
"That's a bad attitude, you're asking me to do something!" whined Usagi as she moved in closer to Chibiusa.  
  
"You should at least learn how to make tea since you don't learn in school, right?"  
  
Chibiusa was baiting Usagi that much was obvious but the fight that followed was more than I expected. Usagi lunged for Chibiusa who easily moved to the side and blew a raspberry at Usagi who clumsily tried to get back up. Usagi finally managed to grab one of Chibiusa's pigtails and then her cheeks. Chibiusa in turn started pinching Usagi. It would have turned into a full out brawl if Hotaru hadn't thought it was so funny and started laughing at them. I just shook my head. It was hard to believe that the older one was a princess.  
  
"It's nice...I can feel that this house is filled with love," said Hotaru as she picked her letter up off the table and looked at it.  
  
"Is it?" said Chibiusa and Usagi at the same time as they paused in their brawl. That's when Usagi noticed the letter that Hotaru was holding and the name on the envelope.  
  
"Hotaru, you wrote a fan letter for Mr. Hayase?" asked Usagi as she dropped her hold on Chibiusa.  
  
"What did you write?" asked Chibiusa who was suddenly right next to Usagi.  
  
"Nothing special. I wrote it because I admire him. He was also a sick child, just like me. But he made himself what he is now," said Hotaru as she placed the envelope on the table.  
  
"I hope he replies soon."  
  
"But I changed my mind. I've decided not to send it."  
  
"Why?" asked Usagi and Chibiusa at the same time. They gave me chills when the did that.  
  
"I don't know his address and..."  
  
"How about we take it to him?" suggested Usagi as she stood up her blue eyes gleaming with excitement.  
  
"Good idea! We can talk to him at the same time!" exclaimed Chibiusa as she hopped up beside Usagi.  
  
"Yes! Well, Hotaru?" asked Usagi as Hotaru just stared back at them. I felt her mouth twitch in a nervous smile.  
  
"Oh boy here we go," I mumbled as I took a seat and watched as Usagi and Chibiusa propelled Hotaru out of the house and across town to see Hayase Shun.  
  
* * *  
  
"How did we get talked into this?" I mumbled. Hotaru was now being dragged, in turns, by Chibiusa and Usagi all the way to the field where Hayase was practicing. I could tell Hotaru was uncomfortable but for someone who can only watch I thought it was a rather amusing ride. I hoped for Hotaru's sake that Hayase would not be available.  
  
When we reached the track a warning bell started going off in the back of my mind. I could feel something here but I couldn't tell if it was evil or not. The presence in Hotaru's mind was starting to interfere. If only I could get rid of the walls maybe I could have a better sense of what was happening. I watched as Chibiusa ran off in one direction and Usagi dragged us in another. Hotaru was holding her letter tight as if afraid to let it go.  
  
"Hotaru, hurry!" said Usagi as she grabbed our arm and started running across the field. The officials who were on the field with Hayase started chasing us. Apparently Usagi had missed the sign saying "authorized personnel only" on the field gate. "Hey, you guys, stop it! Why are there so many of you chasing two pretty girls? We're trying to give her letter to Hayase."  
  
"It's okay," gasped Hotaru as she tried to keep up with Usagi. "I'm happy just seeing him on TV and thinking of him."  
  
But Usagi kept running and Hotaru had no choice but to follow her. When we reached mid field Usagi came to a dead halt and there was Hayase. He was even more handsome in person! With that dark hair and golden skin he looked so healthy, quite confused, but still cute.  
  
"What's going on here?" he asked as he shooed the trainers away from us.  
  
"Hotaru, give him the letter," whispered Usagi with a little nudge. "The letter!"  
  
Hotaru stood there frozen just staring at him and holding her letter tight. She started to open her mouth but nothing was coming out. We must have looked like a fish standing there mouth gaping in silence.  
  
"What would you like, miss?" asked Hayase as he moved a little closer to Hotaru.  
  
"Hey, Hotaru... What's wrong, Hotaru?" asked Usagi as we just stood there dumb stuck next to Hotaru's hero.  
  
Slowly Hotaru held out the letter but a daimon chose that moment to run across the field towards the officials and blew it out of her hands. As the daimon turned around to head for us Usagi started running again dragging Hotaru with her into one of the nearby buildings. All the exercise was too much for Hotaru and I could feel her chest tightening.  
  
"Stay here Hotaru," said Usagi as she ran back out onto the field.  
  
"My letter," Hotaru said as a fit caused her to fall unconscious to the ground.  
  
* * *  
  
"Wake up Hotaru!" I screamed. "The daimon has to be after Hayase. Believe in yourself and wake up!" The darkness around me began to buzz with energy. "It's getting closer to us come on let me help you." I sat down and began concentrating on Hotaru's mind. This was the time it was always easiest to get out. She put up little to no resistance when she was sleeping. Again the far corner of Hotaru's mind seemed to creep out and follow me, watching what I was doing. But I had to concentrate on my actions not on what was around me if I wanted to touch reality and help the princess.  
  
I took control and felt the cool concrete on my skin as I pushed our body to a sitting position. I looked up through her bangs to see the daimon standing next to us. It was a rather odd looking creature with a snails shell and running shoes. I wanted to laugh but I wanted to draw it just a little closer so I bent my head down and waited.  
  
"Are you sick? If you don't feel good, you'd better go to the medical room," said the daimon as it came closer to inspect our harmless body.  
  
"It's you who needs the medical room daimon," I whispered as I suddenly sat up straight and raised my hand palm out towards her. "Silent Blast." The beam of purple energy sent the Daimon flying out of the building and back onto the field where I knew the Senshi were waiting for him. I could rest now and I was tired so I let go of Hotaru's mind.  
  
* * *  
  
I sat down on the floor and watched as Hotaru opened her eyes and saw Hayase, Usagi and Chibiusa surrounding her. They helped her to a sitting position and I felt Hotaru's cheeks turning red.  
  
"Mr. Hayase," said Hotaru as she looked up at him.  
  
"Don't move, just relax," said Hayase as he squatted down next to Hotaru.  
  
"Mr. Hayase. I am..."  
  
"I know, you're weak. I was too."  
  
"Yes, I know."  
  
"Even after I grew up, my childhood memories...It felt as if I dreamt of being a tough sports champion when I woke up," he spoke with conviction that stirred even my tired old soul. It's was no surprise that he had reached his goal.  
  
"Hayase... I know how you feel!" exclaimed Hotaru. So did I.  
  
"You're the first to have listened to me from your heart. Thank you."  
  
Hayase shook hands with Hotaru and helped her to her feet. We all waved to Hayase as he ran back out onto the field. Even I waved. He had inspired Hotaru to believe in herself and that was something even more wonderful than a letter.  
  
* * *  
  
Two days later I took advantage of Hotaru's heightened confidence and truly began to live in this world. The walls were closing in on me as they grew thicker and the other occupant of Hotaru's mind grew stronger by the day. I had to act now while I was still the stronger of the two influences. Hotaru was my new life and I wasn't about to give her up to the evil forces that had already tainted our father.  
  
* * *  
  
Hotaru was walking home from school with a crowd of kids from Mugen High School when a familiar cheery voice made me snap my head around in the darkness. "Princess?" As Hotaru turned around I could feel her smiling as she greeted her pink haired friend with a hug.  
  
"Chibiusa!" said Hotaru as the smaller girl smiled up at her friend.  
  
"There's a new planetarium nearby would you like to go there with me?" asked Chibiusa as she held up a flyer with a rather cute man on it.  
  
"Grand opening of the Planetarium featuring DJ Thomas Harris," I read before Chibiusa curled the flyer in her hands.  
  
"Sounds like fun," Hotaru replied as she began walking home again.  
  
"Let's go!" said Chibiusa as she grabbed Hotaru's arm preventing her from walking anywhere.  
  
"Now? I'm heading home. I'll have to ask poppa if I can go."  
  
"If you do that, the show will be over before we get there."  
  
"But..."  
  
Hotaru was quickly losing her steam in the face of a full Chibiusa assault. When this young girl wanted something it was obvious that she got it. It was the next voice that really got my attention.  
  
"Modern students don't say such things." Hotaru looked up to see Usagi, my princess, standing in front of her. I promptly sat down and cried in happiness when Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Mercury also stepped around the corner.  
  
"Usagi!" exclaimed Chibiusa obviously glad to see the older girl.  
  
"Hotaru, getting side-tracked without your parent's permission isn't good," said Venus with a wink.  
  
"Hey! Hey!" protested Jupiter as she smiled at us while trying to reign in Venus.  
  
"Being side-tracked isn't good, but we're short on time," said Mars as she looked at the watch she was wearing.  
  
"We'll join you, if we're not intruding," suggested Mercury with a polite bow.  
  
"No, no, you're not," said Hotaru as she returned each one's smile.  
  
"Please, I'll apologize to your father, also," begged Chibiusa as she began to pout and tug on Hotaru's arm.  
  
"Chibiusa..." Hotaru hesitated before finally giving in to the inevitable. "Okay, let's go!"  
  
* * *  
  
On our walk to the planetarium Chibiusa introduced Venus as Minako, Mars as Rei, Jupiter as Makoto, and Mercury as Ami. For the first time since my little box had started forming I felt warm and safe. The presence of so many Senshi left us all feeling happier by the time we arrived to hear DJ Harris tell the story of the night, the legend of Andromeda. I was only half way paying attention to the story because my roommate of sorts was creating a disturbance. I placed my hands against one of the walls and whispered, "Silence Wall." My energy spread out creating a barrier around the evil I knew was there. Once that was done I began to pay attention to the show.  
  
"...because Queen Andromeda had an arrogant and selfish mother she was sent to the sea-giant as a hostage. Her legs and hands were chained until Perseus came to rescue her. As you know, there are many other sad stories about this lady star," said Harris as he reached for another stack of notes to begin his next tale.  
  
That's when the inner Senshi all got up and left with the princess between them. The girls each smiled in apology to Hotaru and Chibiusa but didn't say anything. I thought Chibiusa looked a little annoyed but that was normal where Usagi was concerned. Then I felt the familiar pull of the outer planets. I wanted Hotaru to turn around and look where they were going but she was listening to the show again. "Come on Hotaru just look over your shoulder. Aren't you even curious?"  
  
But Hotaru just sat there next to Chibiusa contentedly listening to the story of the summer scorpion. I stomped my foot again causing my silent wall to waver slightly around the darkness it was sealing in. "I don't want to watch anymore Hotaru. I want you to listen to me. I want to be in control." My rage was silently building until a woman with short blonde hair and a briefcase appeared on the stage next to Thomas Harris. "What the.." I didn't have time to question as she opened her briefcase unleashing a daimon.  
  
As the attack began Chibiusa dragged Hotaru behind the last row of seats to take cover as the rest of the crowded auditorium emptied in record time. "Where are the Senshi? I know they're here." I wanted to shout in frustration but that was not what I needed to do right now. Right now I needed to get outside and touch the world again. So I sat down and focused my power on Hotaru's mind. While awake it was harder to take control but I was strong enough to do it now, I had to be.  
  
The Silent Wall I had placed around part of Hotaru's mind melted away as I focused my power. "To protect those I love." I whispered as I gathered my power.  
  
"Hotaru, are you okay?" asked Chibiusa as Hotaru began breathing hard.  
  
"Yes," replied Hotaru  
  
My aura began to build around me, strengthening me, as I reached a hand to touch the clear wall in front of me. "To protect myself." I flattened my hand against the wall.  
  
"Hotaru!" cried Chibiusa as she placed a hand on her friends back.  
  
"I'm okay.it's just a seizure," managed Hotaru as she brought a hand up to her chest. "I'll recover soon."  
  
The power of Saturn condensed around my hand attacking the walls around me. It spread in a violet spider web pattern of energy until every wall was covered. "In the name of Saturn!" The Light increased.  
  
"I'll get you to the hospital," said Chibiusa as she stood up regardless of the battle around us. "Wait here!"  
  
"The time for waiting is over," I said as I pressed my hand against the wall. "Saturn Planet Power!" I screamed and as the power of my planet flowed through the web the walls cracked and shattered. I could feel the rush of adrenaline fill our body as I took control.  
  
I stood up as my aura surrounded Hotaru's body, my body, in a purple light. The warm sensation on our forehead meant that the Saturn symbol was visible once more. I tried to speak, to comfort my friend who stood staring in disbelief at me, but I couldn't make a sound. Hotaru had not given me total control after all. Chibiusa was being held by Uranus who was also shocked by my appearance. But what else was there in her icy gaze? Fear?  
  
The daimon took that moment to try and attack me but, as most daimon's do, she missed me completely. I turned to her and let the power of Saturn wrap around her body instantly freezing her in place. Sailor Moon stepped forward from the crowd of Senshi that had been watching me and, with her enhanced powers, killed the daimon with a single blast. I turned to the Senshi then, smiling as the three soldiers of the outer planets approached me. Why weren't they smiling too?  
  
"World...Shaking!"  
  
"Deep Submerge!"  
  
"Dead Scream!"  
  
I stood there in shock as my friends and fellow soldiers threw their attacks at my fragile human body. Without my own Senshi transformation there was no hope of surviving the blast that would come. I watched as the attacks merged and sped towards me. I watched as our friend ran and stood in front of me determined to protect me. I watched as my princess, at the last possible moment, grabbed both of us and shoved us out of the way.  
  
The shock wave from the explosion and the impact of the ground hitting our head caused me to lose focus and fall back into the subconscious of Hotaru's mind. I stood in the shattered remains of my box and screamed to the darkness, "No wake up! Let me out again! I need to know what they're saying. I need to know why they would try to kill me. Please." I started crying then. "My friends tried to kill me. Why?" Sobbing I curled myself into a ball amongst the shattered remains of my box and cried myself to sleep.  
  
* * *  
  
When I woke the debris of my box was gone and the walls rebuilt around me. I pushed against one tentatively and received a shock of electricity that caused me to reel back in surprise. "Getting stronger are we?" I asked the darkness. My question went unanswered but a faint sound of laughter seemed to echo around me. "Hotaru?" The laughter increased in volume as a form appeared in front of my new cell. As the mists cleared I gasped as I saw a twisted version of myself. Her eyes were completely black and her hair, longer and looser than mine, flowed around the shoulders of her sailor fuku. A black star stood out from the pale skin of her forehead where the tiara should have been. She smirked at my shocked expression.  
  
"I am the messiah of silence," she hissed at me. "It is me that they fear." She reached for a longer copy of my own glaive and twirled it as I would have twirled my own. "Do you like your home Senshi?"  
  
"This is not my home," I replied bringing my own glaive to my hands.  
  
"But you have been here longer than me so it must be your home."  
  
"I have no home," I repeated as my mind tried to process what exactly this person was saying. "Now how did you get here? Why are you in Hotaru's mind?" I asked as I tested the transparent wall in front of me with my hand and received a shock again.  
  
"I have made this your home so now you have one," she answered as she turned from me to the darkness beyond. Her body began to fade as she whispered again, "The rest you will learn in time." Laughing she melted back into the shadows of Hotaru's mind.  
  
* * *  
  
Author's Note: The darkness has a name and a face but that leaves oh so many unanswered questions. Come back for part 4, Weakening, available in March for some answers.  
  
E-Mail the author at k340029@excite.com  
  
Catch sneak peeks of all my work, and other talented authors works, at Daydream - www.scribbles.0catch.com 


	6. Weakening

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is copyright © 1992 Naoko Takeuchi / Kodansha, TOEI Animation. English Language Adaptation © 1995 DiC Entertainment. I'm just borrowing the characters and dialogue for a bit.  
  
Narrated by the Senshi of Silence herself,  
  
I Could Only Watch  
  
By Ceila  
  
Part 4 - Weakening  
  
Rated PG, Just in case  
  
****************************  
  
If my sense of time was correct I've been trapped in this darkness now for almost 24 hours. That meant that Hotaru was unconscious and vulnerable. "It also means that I'm left clueless," I mumbled to myself. The endless waiting for her eyes to crack open and give me a glimpse of the outside world was getting old. Anything but the darkness would have been a welcomed change.  
  
"Hey Messiah how about some light?" I hollered into the darkness where she appeared to me. Then, as if in answer, the darkness in front of me began to lighten and swirl forming what I now know to be one of Hotaru's dream windows. I settled down to watch.  
  
"Reruns are better than nothing," I mumbled as the picture cleared up to reveal Professor Tomoe's lab at Mugen High. "Now what would bring this memory back to the surface?"  
  
Professor Tomoe led a group of researchers through his lab at the prestigious Mugen high school genetic engineering lab. Everyone in the group was dressed in long white lab coats except for Hotaru; about eight years old, with innocent purple eyes and short black hair. She wore a purple dress with white lace trim and skipped along after her father.  
  
"I remember this day," I said aloud as I watched the people moving in front of me. "This is the day we died."  
  
"Yes," hissed a female voice from beside me.  
  
I turned and saw the woman from the day before. Her dark hair was even longer now dusting the small of her back. The sailor fuku was gone, replaced with a low-cut black dress that puddled at her feet. Her black eyes looked to me as a smile twisted her face into a caricature of my own. The star on her forehead peeked from beneath her bangs.  
  
"You wanted answers Senshi Saturn. This girls mind holds all of them. Watch."  
  
"You'll notice this special space in the machine is for exchanging delicate DNA," said Professor Tomoe as he showed the complex machines to his fellow scientists.  
  
Hotaru wandered over to the big machines and began to examine them. She moved up close to one of them and pressed her small hands to the protective plastic shield. She stood there as a black ball of energy began to pulse in the heart of the dome. It formed a ghostly shape and began growing larger.  
  
"Papa what's that?" Hotaru asked breaking into the conversation.  
  
Professor Tomoe didn't have time to reply as the black energy grew and filled the dome cracking the protective shield. In that split second it exploded throwing Hotaru across the room and killing all the scientists sparing only Professor Tomoe. The lab was on fire and the building shook around him as he crawled over to his daughter's limp form.  
  
"Hotaru! Answer me, Hotaru! Hotaru! No, it can't be, Hotaru!" he cried as he shook his precious baby.  
  
"What does this memory have to do with answering my questions?" I asked her.  
  
She laughed in reply, "You are stupid Senshi that you do not know. This is a small example of the power that my master holds. It is I who will set him free into this world and this girl, her father, and everyone else will all perish in his wake."  
  
"You're talking in riddles."  
  
"You're listening in questions. You have watched this world for so long you have forgotten how to do anything else."  
  
Now I watched as the dream played a scene I had not seen before. I watched as a black phantom emerged from the wreckage of our father's machine. It loomed before him as he cried over Hotaru's dead body. It slithered forward approaching Souichi.  
  
"Do you want to save your daughter's life?" It asked in a voice similar to the messiah's.  
  
"W... Who are you?" stammered Souichi as he sniffed back tears  
  
"I will save both you and your daughter, but you'll have to accept my conditions."  
  
"Help me save Hotaru! I don't care about myself but..."  
  
"I see. Then I'll take your body!"  
  
I gasped in horror as the darkness entered our father's body through his eye. I watched as his face twisted in pain and fear as his mind was bent to the purpose of evil. His scream filled my ears and tears made my vision waver as the man I had come to know as our father today suddenly smiled that twisted smile. A smaller tendril of darkness slipped into Hotaru's body through her mouth bringing life back to her body. Unlike her father her eyes remained the same.  
  
"So that's how you got in here," I said as the Messiah turned to me again.  
  
"Yes and I have been growing stronger as have you, Senshi," she spat the last word at me. "You have taught me much of how this human mind works."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You learned to control this mind with yours. I learned from you. Now this body will bring the silence upon the earth."  
  
"I won't let you do that! The Senshi won't let you do that!"  
  
"Senshi are nothing compared to my master's power," she laughed again and the star on her forehead pulsed as a star shaped clock appeared on the wall of my cell. "So you may count the minutes until your end."  
  
"It's what I've always wanted," I bit back at her. I tried not to let the uneasiness I was feeling show. "Now what about Hotaru?"  
  
"Ah the child." Her tone was amused. "She is resting. Others are preparing her body so that it may accept the full power of my master."  
  
The Messiah faded from view once again leaving me alone. I had to find Hotaru and help her to fight against the evil that was taking control of her. I had no clue where Hotaru could hide in her own mind. Nor how I could look for her when I was trapped in my little cell. The only thing I did know was that I was running out of time.  
  
* * *  
  
After I learned the truth things started happening differently. Hotaru was missing and the Messiah was taking over our mind. What felt like an eternity later I noticed the outside world again as Hotaru's eyes opened. The difference was the thin black haze over the whole picture, like looking through a curtain, and that was a bad sign. The Messiah was in control now.  
  
"Don't you have any pure hearts yet?" asked the Messiah in a voice I recognized as Hotaru's.  
  
"Sorry, your highness. Please wait a little more," said Professor Tomoe as he nervously twisted his hands in front of us. From a corner of the darkness I heard a whisper.  
  
"Poppa?"  
  
"Hotaru? Is that you?" I asked in return but received no answer.  
  
"Without pure hearts, not just one, but in mass quantity...I can't establish myself. Anyone who disturbs my rebirth won't be tolerated," the messiah drawled as she threw a stuffed animal at our father.  
  
"Hotaru you need to fight!" I screamed as I concentrated on the faint echo of Hotaru's mind. A purple light blinked in the distance and I heard Hotaru shout across to me.  
  
"Chibiusa..." the Messiah's voice was strained and I knew that Hotaru was fighting back. I watched as the purple light grew brighter and closer to me.  
  
"Hotaru! Fight her!" I screamed. I watched as Hotaru's light began to fade back again as the darkness of the Messiah grabbed control of her.  
  
"Messiah!" exclaimed Professor Tomoe as she leaned forward in her seat with a hand to her head.  
  
"Don't worry. Collect...pure hearts..." she replied as the last of Hotaru's light faded into the blackness and the Messiah closed her eyes leaving me completely in the dark.  
  
* * *  
  
I was laying on the floor looking at the ceiling. If I looked at it with one eye crossed and blinking the other I could see animal shapes, and that was amusing, until it gave me a headache. Hotaru had made one effort to gain back the control of her mind. Would she make another? Sitting up I focused my attentions on the spot I had last seen her light from. Centering my aura around myself I reached out to Hotaru and surprisingly found her.  
  
In my mind I saw her laying in a cell like mine. She was asleep on the floor dressed in her school uniform. Using my aural projection I touched her shoulder and let some of my energies flow into her. "Wake up Hotaru," I whispered. "Wake up and reclaim yourself."  
  
Hotaru blinked her eyes and looked around bewildered. Then she was gone and I returned to my own version of reality. Then there was light again, dim light, but it was something, as Hotaru opened her own eyes and looked around the Messiah's home.  
  
"Chibiusa..." whispered Hotaru as she shook her head. "What am I doing here? Chibiusa..." Hotaru rose from the throne and moved across the room to a staircase that, I hoped, led upstairs. After climbing the stairs we emerged into the brighter light of our home. Looking around it was the same but different. Everything was right where it belonged, daylight was filtering through the windows, but still something felt off. As Hotaru made her way upstairs to change I noticed the difference. A normal house creaked when you walked on the floors, or you could hear the muffled sounds of the city, today there was nothing but silence.  
  
* * *  
  
After Hotaru changed into comfortable clothes we left the house and headed in the direction of downtown Juban. As soon as we stepped outside the house I felt much better. Out here in the open we had a better chance of overcoming the evil influences that were trying to take over our body. It was also reassuring to hear the noises of a busy city around us. We were walking by a flower shop when a woman with green hair in ondongo stopped us.  
  
"Oh, miss!" she called running forward with a small plant in her hands. "This flower is called "brings good fortune." She held it out for us to see.  
  
"A flower called "brings good fortune..." Hotaru repeated after the woman.  
  
"Would you like it? It's the last one, so I'll give it to you."  
  
"This is perfect for Chibiusa. Thank you!"  
  
Hotaru took the plant in her hands and started walking in the direction of Chibiusa's house. It would be great to see her again. I knew how much the pink haired girl's friendship meant to Hotaru. Maybe this visit would give her the confidence and courage she would need in the next few days.  
  
* * *  
  
Ringing the bell on Chibiusa's house I could feel Hotaru getting nervous. Did she know how long she had been gone? Trapped in the dark reality that was now our home. As the door opened and the girls exchanged excited hugs I felt all my worries melting away. Usagi came up behind Chibiusa who promptly shut the door in the older girls face. "It's nice to know some things stay the same," I giggled.  
  
"This is for you," said Hotaru as she handed the plant to Chibiusa.  
  
"Thank you!" squealed Chibiusa as she took the plant in her hands admiring the small pink bud.  
  
"This flower's name is 'brings good fortune'. I thought it suited you."  
  
"You, too."  
  
"No, not me."  
  
"Yes, it does," insisted Chibiusa as she sat the plant down next to her so she could take Hotaru's hands.  
  
"It seems that I hurt my friends without knowing," Hotaru began. "And there's another part of me that I can't control. That is why I'm afraid of making friends. But Chibiusa, your kindness warms my heart, so I'm..." Hotaru collapsed to the ground clutching her chest as a seizure gripped her.  
  
"Hotaru!" cried Chibiusa as she sat next to her friend.  
  
"Hotaru!" exclaimed Usagi as she ran from the house to help us. She must have been spying on us from the front windows.  
  
I watched as they both came closer to us. Both concerned and pouring out love. The darkness moved around in front of me and a curtain of transparent black was drawn over my window of Hotaru's vision. "Hotaru no!" I screamed as the Messiah took control.  
  
"I want your pure heart!" she said in Hotaru's voice as the Messiah reached a hand for Chibiusa's chest.  
  
"Hotaru? What's wrong?" asked Chibiusa as she leaned toward Hotaru.  
  
"Chibiusa!" screamed Usagi as she noticed the dark aura surrounding us.  
  
"No!" screamed Hotaru as a flash of purple light knocked me off my feet and cleared the darkness from Hotaru's vision. "What am I..." she began in a confused voice as she looked from Chibiusa to Usagi and back again. Her hands flew to her mouth as she stifled a gasp at what she had been about to do.  
  
"Hotaru?"  
  
"Help me Chibiusa, I'm scared."  
  
"Don't worry Hotaru," said Chibiusa as she held our hand and squeezed it tight.  
  
Just then a disturbance in the sky attracted our attention and I watched as Kaolinite materialized hovering above us. She was dressed in all black now with her red hair flying around her. Her eyes held the same contempt and evil that I remembered from home.  
  
"Hotaru, I am here for you," said Kaolinite as she swooped down and lifted us up into the air with her.  
  
"No!" yelled Chibiusa as she tried to come to our rescue still holding the plant Hotaru had given her.  
  
"Don't get in my way," said Kaolinite as she raised her hand and blasted Chibiusa back into Usagi.  
  
"Help me, Chibiusa!" cried Hotaru as Kaolinite lifted us higher and higher.  
  
Before we could get another word out Chibiusa and Usagi had vanished from our sight as Kaolinite transported us back to our home. We reappeared back in Hotaru's room and Kaolinite was frowning at us. What did we do wrong? Hotaru never got the chance to ask as Kaolinite placed a hand on Hotaru's head causing her vision to fade as she fell into a dreamless sleep.  
  
* * *  
  
Hotaru had been put to sleep by Kaolinite several hours ago by now and she wasn't waking up. "Come on Hotaru I know you're a fighter. Wake up for me." I paced as I talked trying in vain to reach her sleeping mind.  
  
"You both defy me with your resistance," the Messiah hissed as she once again appeared before me.  
  
"I will always defy what is evil," I replied jumping to my feet and raising my glaive to attention.  
  
"You can not deny what is inevitable. It will only cause you pain."  
  
"Nothing is inevitable. We make our own destinies. Nothing is set in stone except the past."  
  
"Ah but that is not true. The one you call father set your destiny for you by making the choice to work for my master. Now your choices are mine as well."  
  
"That's not true!" I yelled as I lunged forward with my glaive trying to strike a blow against her only to meet the stinging resistance of the window in front of my cell.  
  
Her laughter filled my small room as she watched me return to my feet. "For all your time watching Senshi you have learned nothing."  
  
"I have learned that there are others in this world like me and they will not let you succeed."  
  
"Naive you are Senshi that you do not know that every choice you and the girl have made has helped me and will eventually achieve my goal for me."  
  
She laughed again as I stood there in silence. "You lie," I finally whispered to her.  
  
Turning to me she raised one eyebrow as I had seen Pluto do so many times over the years. "Watch." The window of my cell lit up and I could see Neptune and Haruka standing in the doorway before us.  
  
"The Messiah of Silence!" exclaimed Neptune as she stepped into the room.  
  
"The ultimate root of evil," said Haruka as she started moving closer to us.  
  
"Wait!" cried another voice from behind them. I looked up and gasped as Ami stepped forward. "Please don't hurt her."  
  
"What? She'll cover the Earth with Silence. We must destroy her!"  
  
"No, the Death Busters have been taking advantage of poor Hotaru."  
  
"Don't be sympathetic. It'll lead our world to destruction."  
  
"She isn't responsible!" pleaded Ami as she moved closer to the throne where we sat.  
  
"Back off!" commanded Haruka. Her voice carried the threat of violence.  
  
"Don't interfere!" echoed Neptune as she too moved to attack our protector.  
  
With a wave of her hands the scene disappeared and she turned back to me with a twisted smile on her face. "You see. Thanks to the efforts this girl has made to become friends with your other Senshi they now protect me and fight against each other!"  
  
The Messiah walked up to the clear window of my cell and placed a hand on it's surface. It flashed with electricity and she smiled at me. "They're right you know. I will cover this world with silence. You may try and stop me but your fellow Senshi will protect me until my goal has been reached."  
  
With another wave of her hand a purple light appeared next to me and when it cleared Hotaru was laying there unconscious. I rushed to her side and cradled her head in my lap.  
  
"If you both wish to defy me then you shall stay here, together," she hissed as her form melted into the background. "I have no use for either of you now."  
  
As the last traces of the Messiah left us I reached down and placed both hands on Hotaru, one on each side of her head. I let my healing energies flow into her body and I felt her strength build until I was satisfied that Hotaru would be able to wake on her own. Those who are evil often fall prey to their own superiority. The Messiah had handed me my greatest asset in defeating her. Now I had only to watch and wait for Hotaru to open her eyes.  
  
I didn't have to wait long. Hotaru started rolling back and forth on the floor. She was mumbling to herself too. Suddenly she sat straight up and her eyes flew open. She blinked her eyes a few times as she took in the dark room. Finally she turned her head and noticed me sitting across from her. As she studied me a look of confusion came into her eyes.  
  
"Who are you?" she asked in a voice I had come to think of as my own.  
  
I smiled as she blinked her wide purple eyes at me. "I am what you are destined to become."  
  
* * *  
  
Author's Note: Saturn loses a bit of ground to the mysterious Messiah. I'm sure you all know who she is by now, right? What happens when Hotaru meets Saturn? This is a reunion you don't want to miss. Come back for part 5, Sacrifice and Promises, available in April.  
  
E-Mail the Author at k340029@excite.com  
  
Catch sneak peeks of all my work, and other talented authors works, at Daydream - www.scribbles.0catch.com 


	7. Sacrifice and Promises

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is copyright © 1992 Naoko Takeuchi / Kodansha, TOEI Animation. English Language Adaptation © 1995 DiC Entertainment. I'm just borrowing the characters and dialogue for a bit.  
  
Narrated by the Senshi of Silence herself,  
  
I Could Only Watch  
  
By Ceila  
  
Part 5 - Sacrifice and Promises  
  
Rated PG, Just in case  
  
****************************  
  
Hotaru stared at me, eyes clouded with confusion, as she tried to process what I had just said. "I don't understand, you are who I'm supposed to be?"  
  
"In a way yes," I said while trying to think of an easy way of explaining this situation. How do you tell a girl who has always been weak and sickly that she's to become one of the strongest women in the universe?  
  
"So who are you?"  
  
"I am the soldier of revolution, Sailor Saturn."  
  
She tilted her head to the right and then to the left and finally shook her head. "I'm, no, I'm not going to be a Senshi, I'm too weak."  
  
"You are only weak because you do not have the faith in yourself or the will to believe that I exist. Weakness is only weakness when you believe in it."  
  
"But I'm Hotaru, how can I be you too?"  
  
I stood up and moved in front of Hotaru. I called out my glaive and pointed it directly at her forehead where the Saturn symbol should have been. Her violet eyes grew huge and she tried to back away from me. I frowned in annoyance.  
  
"I will not hurt you," I said as I moved the glaive to gently touch her skin. "Remember." The whispered word filled our small room and slowly Hotaru's eyes closed and I let her share in the memories I had of the past and the present. A few moments later I stepped back and let my glaive vanish. Hotaru opened her eyes and looked at me again.  
  
"You are what I am supposed to be," she said in a voice filled with disbelief. "Is this magic?"  
  
"Yes." I sat down next to her and tried my best to explain. "The spirit of a Senshi never dies, it is only reborn again and again, so that it may always be able to protect those in danger. In a way I am the living representative of Saturn's spirit because I am not a person, and not a Senshi, just Saturn. It is only if you accept that I am real and believe that you are as strong as the both of us combined that I, we, can live as one."  
  
Hotaru nodded her head in understanding but her eyes still held a slightly vacant look. "Does that mean I'm dead?"  
  
"No we are not dead. We are possessed by the Messiah now. She believes that she has control of both of us. That is her mistake and it is what we will use to stop her."  
  
"We?"  
  
"Yes. We need to work together or she has already won," I said as my hands picked at the hem of my skirt.  
  
"Are you nervous?" asked Hotaru as a smile touched her face and made her eyes dance with an inner light.  
  
"Why do you ask?"  
  
"You're picking at your skirt. I always do that when I'm nervous."  
  
"Oh," I felt a blush heat my cheeks as I quickly folded my hands together. "I'm not used to having people notice my habits."  
  
"Maybe you picked it up from me?"  
  
"Or you got it from me."  
  
We giggled at one another's discomfort and suddenly the tension melted away as we took a good look at one another. Of course I knew what Hotaru looked like, I watched her grow up, but she was infinitely curious about me. Her eyes roamed over my figure taking in everything from my hair to the heels of my boots.  
  
"You look just like me. How is that possible?" Hotaru asked as she studied her own hands.  
  
"The spirit of the Senshi is molded to look like the person chosen to become the next guardian. I look this way because you do."  
  
"It's just weird. It's like looking in a mirror that changes your clothes."  
  
Our conversation came to a halt as the window in front of us lit up again. The picture was all shadows as if the messiah hadn't opened her eyes all the way yet. Sounds started filtering in, voices, bells, and laughter mixed to create a deafening wave of sound. Hotaru and I both covered our ears and cringed. I could hear our father's laughter in the background as the rest of the noise faded away.  
  
"Everyone just made it," his voice was calm as he spoke, too calm.  
  
"Is that papa speaking? Who's everyone?" asked Hotaru as she squinted to try and see better.  
  
"Just wait and watch, it's all we can do now," I said as I sat down.  
  
"Sailor Chibi Moon!" screamed a voice I recognized as Sailor Moon.  
  
"Kaolinite!" the professor yelled.  
  
"Yes," was her throaty reply and I could just imagine her flipping her long red hair over her shoulder. "The Messiah of Silence will awaken shortly with the energy from Chibiusa's pure heart!"  
  
"No!" screamed Hotaru as she jumped up and ran to the window.  
  
"...pure heart..." echoed through our mind as the messiah opened her eyes a bit more.  
  
Hotaru gasped and I shook my head as the scene before us was revealed. In the dim light I could see the Sailor Senshi at the far side of the room. Our father was standing between them and a pink haired Senshi that must have been Chibi Moon. She was laid out like a sacrifice on a stone alter surrounded by ropes with bells. Her body was motionless accept for the gentle rising and falling of her chest.  
  
"Chibiusa!" cried Sailor Moon as she tried to run to the smaller girl. She was met with a barrier of electricity, similar to the one that surrounded the walls of our home and was thrown back towards the other Senshi.  
  
"Chibiusa?" said Hotaru as she looked down at the pink haired Senshi. "Is that really Chibiusa?"  
  
I sat in silence watching the scene play out before me. I was berating myself for not seeing this sooner. Her heart was so full of energy and love, of course she was a Senshi, but she was more than just a Senshi. "Yes that is Chibiusa," I whispered.  
  
"Our great Messiah of Silence," pronounced Tomoe as lights flooded over our body revealing us to the Senshi. We were slumped to the side of a throne surrounded by stuffed animals. The Senshi probably thought we were sleeping.  
  
Hotaru and I watched in stunned silence as a black aura came up around our body and formed the shape of a hand and a spindly arm. It reached down towards Chibiusa's body and first wrapped itself around her and then plunged into her chest just below her broach. Hotaru had tears in her eyes as our friend's screams filled the chamber.  
  
"Stop it! Stop it!" sobbed Sailor Moon as she cried in frustration. "Chibi Moon!"  
  
"Hotaru..." came the dry voice of Chibiusa as she fought the magic of the Messiah. "I'm glad to see you..."  
  
"Chibiusa." Hotaru replied as she reached out to try and touch her friend.  
  
"Hotaru please," I said as I held her hand in my gloved one. "It'll be ok you'll see."  
  
She looked at me with her eyes, years of sadness were reflected there, mirrors of my own. "How?" She didn't believe me.  
  
"Have faith, believe in yourself, and believe in the Senshi. We will overcome this evil. Good always wins right?"  
  
She nodded her head in silent agreement but her eyes reflected her doubts. I just hoped I wasn't leading her to false hopes of happiness. As the hand started retracting Chibiusa's body fell motionless and silent back to the alter and a shining pure heart crystal shone from it's grip.  
  
"It's beautiful! The quality of the pure heart is suitable for the Messiah," laughed the man I had known as a father.  
  
"No!" called the deep voice of Uranus. "If Saturn awakens, it'll be the end of the world!"  
  
Hotaru looked to me then and I looked out across the room unwilling to believe the words that had just come from my fellow Senshi. That was why they feared me? This lie was why they acted as if I were the enemy? They believed that I was the end of the world and I was unable to contradict them.  
  
"Saturn is that true?" asked Hotaru as she looked to me with questioning eyes. "Do you bring the end of the world?"  
  
"It is one of my powers," I whispered, "but it is not one that I would ever choose to use. Unless nothing else had worked. It is a last resort that I fear may be the only choice some day."  
  
"Then why do they believe that?"  
  
"Do you remember what I showed you of the destruction of the moon?"  
  
"Yes but."  
  
"I believe their memories were harmed during their rebirth. The Senshi I knew on the moon knew the truth behind my powers."  
  
"Hotaru, stop it!" pleaded Sailor Moon as the Messiah brought the crystal closer to our body.  
  
"I'm not doing anything! That's not me!"  
  
"They can't hear you Hotaru. We can only watch now."  
  
"If you're really Hotaru's poppa, if you really love Hotaru... Please!" Sailor Moon inched closer to our father as she begged for mercy.  
  
"Love? What is that?" he replied and then laughed in his insane way as the messiah used our body to swallow Chibiusa's heart crystal.  
  
Immediately our body began to change. Our arms and legs became longer and our hair grew longer and darker in a wave of ebony. The purple highlights that we loved were gone now. The messiah's hair wrapped our body in a cocoon and then peeled away again revealing a low cut, floor length, black satin dress. The same one the messiah had been wearing when she visited me. I could only guess that her eyes were now black and a black star was resting under her bangs.  
  
"It can't be!" shouted Uranus as if she wasn't seeing properly.  
  
"That's not Sailor Saturn!" echoed Neptune as she too looked on in amazement.  
  
"What?" chorused the rest of the Senshi as they looked to the Senshi of the outer planets.  
  
"Well it's nice to know that some of my fellow Senshi don't think I'm the bringer of the silence," I muttered more to myself than to Hotaru who was quickly going into a state of shock.  
  
"I'm the Messiah of Silence," her voice was smoother now. The hissing was gone giving her a seductive quality of voice. "Mistress Nine."  
  
"She's a Death Buster!" said Mercury as she noted the star on our forehead. "The enemy attacked Hotaru and she became a Death Buster!"  
  
"At least Mercury knows what's going on. Since when did the inner Senshi become a better team than the outers?" I was pacing now and Hotaru was passed out on the floor of our cell.  
  
"We've won!" Kaolinite cried as she turned to the professor with her seductive smile.  
  
"Thank you for your hard work Kaolinite," said Professor Tomoe as he moved closer to the Messiah.  
  
"I am so glad to hear that, professor..."  
  
Kaolinite's sentence was cut off as a blast of power from Mistress Nine thew her body into the electrified barrier surrounding Chibiusa's alter. I watched in horror as her body disintegrated into nothing but dust. I hated the woman but I never wanted her dead!  
  
"Kaolinite's use is over," said Mistress Nine as she turned to what was left of our father. "Let's prepare for the next step."  
  
"Yes!" he replied, and in that instant both of us were wrapped in her power and transported away from the labs under our home.  
  
I looked from the black window in front of me to the sleeping form of Hotaru on the floor. I started pacing as I thought of my options. Hotaru and I would need to be strong together in order to defeat Mistress Nine. Hotaru was always weak and even here, where the limitations of her body didn't matter, she was still weak. Would she have what it takes to help me defeat the darkness?  
  
* * *  
  
Mistress Nine stood facing a clear cylinder connected to a machine that looked vaguely like a street light. Several hours had passed since she had taken control of Hotaru's body and destroyed Kaolinite. We were in the new home of the Death Busters and the thought that I was helpless to stop any of this from happening was setting in.  
  
"Everything is ready," said Professor Tomoe as he moved from one machine to another. "The only thing left is for you to put the Sacred Cup in to activate it. Then the dark rays will shine from the Tausaikei."  
  
"Tausaikei?" I said aloud as I tested the word on my tong. "It sounds alien."  
  
"The Tausaikei rays will call and guide our great master, Pharaoh 90, to the source. The destruction of the world will begin with the appearance of Pharaoh 90...and the entire world will be covered in Silence."  
  
With this he began to laugh in that hysterical way evil doers seem to master. Every villain I had ever fought had a laugh that ranged from mildly annoying to nails on a chalkboard. I covered my ears and cursed the fact that I could not faint into the silent oblivion of unconsciousness like Hotaru.  
  
"The faulty Light Age will end..." a laugh and a glance at Mistress Nine did not even stop his tirade. "...and the true Dark Age will begin!"  
  
Mistress Nine turned away from the machines and Professor Tomoe's display of evil ego and raised her face to the ceiling of the room. Her eyes closed and my room went dark. I felt her power moving away from her body and out into the city. She was searching for something.  
  
"The Sacred Cup is coming," she murmured as she opened her eyes again.  
  
"Sacred Cup?" asked Professor Tomoe. His tone implied disbelief.  
  
"They're making it easy for us by bringing it."  
  
"How convenient!"  
  
"But I can't allow them in our nest until we establish ourselves."  
  
Once again Mistress Nine closed her eyes and I felt her power extending from our body. A hazy red picture of Mugen High was visible and I watched as a dome shaped barrier formed around it. How were the scouts going to get through and stop these lunatics? Her eyes opened again to reveal Professor Tomoe watching us with guarded impatience.  
  
"Sacred cup?" I repeated as the proverbial light went on in my brain. They wanted the Princess's holy grail! "If the Sacred Cup is coming to them then." The Senshi were coming here, to the very heart of the death busters, in what would surely turn out to be the final battle.  
  
"Mugen High is now protected by dark energy and has become the Omega zone," said Mistress Nine as her voice filled the small room. "No one can enter into our purest place."  
  
* * *  
  
I sat down as the realization dawned on me that our father had been working for, and with, this evil woman from the very start. Mugen High was located in the Omega district. The schools name also meant Infinity. Student Uniforms were decorated with a black star, the symbol of the Death Busters. The clues had been there all along! "Serenity preserve us," I whispered as I looked to Hotaru's unconscious body. "If Hotaru doesn't accept me Saturn can not awaken in this world. I won't be able to stop them." I bowed my head in defeat. "Princess be strong for I can not assist you."  
  
"It's time to get the Sacred Cup," Mistress Nine purred as she closed her eyes once again.  
  
The haunting images that were the thoughts of Mistress Nine played out before me. A portal formed above the Senshi and another energy hand reached out and grabbed Sailor Moon by her throat. I watched as Mistress Nine half strangled my princess as she was pulled through to this evil dimension and deposited on the floor of a dark room. I wanted to cry.  
  
A moan sounded from the floor of my room as Hotaru fought against whatever dreams plagued her. "Hotaru can you hear me?" I asked her as I held one of her hands in my own. A faint pressure was the only reply. "Hotaru I'm going to try something so work with me here." I closed my eyes and concentrated on finding Hotaru's conscious mind where ever it had fled to. Before I could start I felt time itself waver and stop.  
  
"The soldiers from the outer solar system stopped time, remarkable!" exclaimed Mistress Nine as she turned to the machines once again.  
  
"No," I whispered as a tear trickled down my cheek. I knew the cost Pluto had paid for her breech of the rules. "Come on Hotaru we have to fight." I placed a hand on each of Hotaru's temples and let my aura flow into her mind.  
  
"But the Messiah of Silence is much greater!" crowed Professor Tomoe. His voice filled both of our minds.  
  
"Hotaru can you hear me?" a glimmer of light caught my attention and I drew closer to it. "Hotaru you need to fight."  
  
"It's the result from receiving Chibiusa's pure heart," echoed Mistress Nine.  
  
"Their using you for evil Hotaru! They used you to kill Chibiusa. They used you to hurt the Senshi, and now their making you use Chibiusa's pure heart to destroy this very world!"  
  
I sent my energies to the light that I knew was Hotaru and I felt her growing stronger. The light started getting closer and I backed off as Hotaru's consciousness came back to her. I backed out of Hotaru's mind and returned to my own body. Hotaru's body was glowing with a white light.  
  
Mistress Nine closed her eyes and I could feel the energies clashing as Hotaru fought to gain back control of her own body. "I'm using the pure heart...for wrong..." she managed to get out before her aura faded back into her body and she was laying silently beside me once more.  
  
"Something wrong?" asked the Professor as the obviously shaken Mistress Nine ran a hand over her face.  
  
"Nothing!" she bit back at him. "I'm going to get the Sacred Cup. I order you to dispose of the two Sailor Senshi."  
  
I blinked in surprise, two Sailor Senshi? Which two had been able to enter their lair? Mistress Nine had placed a barrier around the school and without all of the Senshi they couldn't teleport.  
  
"Me?" Professor Tomoe looked stunned for the first time I could remember.  
  
"Use the dolls that you made," was Mistress Nine's curt reply as she dismissed him. "Go, daimon Gerumatou!"  
  
"Yes!" He hastily answered as he vanished from our sight.  
  
* * *  
  
Hotaru was asleep on the floor and I was pacing back and forth waiting for her to regain consciousness. Somehow I knew that Hotaru would not be waking up again but I didn't want to give up on her just yet. There had to be a way for me to work with Hotaru to take control of her body away from Mistress Nine. If only Hotaru would accept her destiny and believe that she was capable of being strong, then we would have a chance.  
  
I felt more than heard Mistress Nine laughing at me before she appeared next to our cell. Her appearance had changed. Her body was that of Hotaru and she was wearing the Mugen uniform that Hotaru had worn every day. Mistress Nine was a carbon copy of our body right down to the purple highlights in her hair. Only the dark eyes gave her away.  
  
"Give up," her voice was eerily like our own. "The sacrifice of a pure heart has made me invincible and soon another sacrifice will seal this world's fate."  
  
"I will never give up as long as Hotaru is still alive," I growled back at her as I stepped protectively in front of Hotaru's prone body.  
  
"Ahh yes the host mind. She will not be around much longer."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Her mind must die before I can take complete control of this body. She will be the final sacrifice to my master Pharaoh 90."  
  
"You'll have to kill me before you can get to her," the silence glaive appeared in my hand and I pointed it at her. "I will die before I let you have her. That's a promise!"  
  
Her laughter filled our small room and assaulted my eardrums causing me to wince. "Senshi haven't you realized that her mind is already mine? I don't need to get to her." Her hand raised in a gesture towards Hotaru's sleeping form. "Because I'm already inside of her."  
  
"No!" I shouted as laughter once again filled my ears as Mistress Nine vanished from my sight. "No Hotaru!" I dropped my glaive and placed my hands on Hotaru's head. "Hotaru come back to me." I sent my healing powers into her mind and once again began to look for her consciousness.  
  
Before I could get very far light filled our room. Mistress Nine was ready to act and I had a vague idea of what she was after. A faint feeling of power alerted me to the princess before I heard her voice echo in the large room.  
  
"Where's everybody?" she called as footsteps sounded on the tile. "Hotaru!" She ran to our body and her worried face was a welcomed sight. I continued to concentrate on my task.  
  
"Sacred Cup..." whispered the disguised Mistress Nine.  
  
"What about the Sacred Cup?"  
  
"I heard if Super Sailor Moon shines the Sacred Cup in there..." she pointed to a room off to one side, "...the Darkness would disappear. Better hurry because the enemy could come anytime."  
  
"Yes. Hotaru, I'm glad to see that you're all right."  
  
"Hurry Usagi, for Chibiusa's sake! The Sacred Cup!" her pleading cry caused Sailor Moon to pause and step away from who she thought was Hotaru.  
  
"Hotaru, how did you know I'm Tsukino Usagi?" asked Sailor Moon as she stepped even further away. "You're not Hotaru, are you?"  
  
Mistress Nine stood up and her eyes grew darker as her powers began to concentrate around our body. "Hotaru," her voice purred as she shook her head. "Just the looks!" I felt her powers wrapping around us as her body aged into that of Mistress Nine and spread out to reveal the machines designed to bring Pharaoh 90 into this world.  
  
"What happened to Hotaru?" Sailor Moon asked, shock evident in her voice.  
  
"I dissolved her into me."  
  
"That's a lie!" I screamed but of course only I heard it.  
  
"I'm a Ichigensai Taikei that lives within Hotaru. I'm Mistress 9."  
  
The sound of running feet disrupted their conversation as Uranus and Neptune flew into the room. "No you'll kill us before I can get to her!" Knowing that their mission was simply to stop this mad woman who possessed our body I found myself afraid of my friends for the first time. I renewed my efforts to find and heal Hotaru's mind.  
  
"We've finally found you!" growled Uranus as she took her fighting stance.  
  
"We'll destroy you this time!" echoed Neptune.  
  
"Wait!" Cried Sailor Moon as she tried to get the attention of the outer Senshi. "Uranus, Neptune, No!"  
  
Mistress Nine turned towards the machinery behind her that was pulsing with dark power and said, "Master Pharaoh 90, please wait a moment." before turning back to the Senshi.  
  
That's when I felt her. Hotaru was fighting back! Her consciousness was moving towards mine and I reached out to her as best I could. "Hotaru you need to work with me. Believe in yourself, believe in me, and together we can stop the evil." Her eyes fluttered open and made contact with my own.  
  
"I will be strong for you," she whispered.  
  
"Together we can be even stronger," I replied squeezing her hand in assurance.  
  
"Together.yes.Saturn."  
  
"You are Saturn Hotaru. Without you I am noting but a memory." The walls around us began to crackle with energy and Hotaru winced in pain. Mistress Nine was trying to kill Hotaru completely!  
  
"I am Saturn," whispered Hotaru as her own aura began to fight Mistress Nine.  
  
"Yes," I replied as my own aura flared to life and the symbol of Saturn appeared on my brow.  
  
"I'm sorry, Chibiusa."  
  
"Hotaru!" I cried as her body began to disappear as it was consumed by Mistress Nine's power.  
  
"I'm sorry," Hotaru whispered as her aura leapt from her body seconds before what was left of Hotaru's mind vanished.  
  
"Hotaru," I said to the ball of white light in front of me.  
  
It blinked once and then formed into an eight pointed crystal star. I watched as the star hovered before me and then moved until it was touching the center of the bow on my fuku. "Hotaru?" There was no sound as the star flared into a super nova of white light. When it cleared the star was fused to the bow of my fuku and I felt stronger than before.  
  
"Finally, you're dead!" shouted Mistress Nine as three amazed Senshi looked on in surprise.  
  
"Hotaru!" screamed Sailor Moon as she took a few steps toward Mistress Nine.  
  
"Stop it! She's not Hotaru." Yelled Uranus as she delivered one of her threatening looks our way.  
  
"Yes," Mistress Nine drawled, "Tomoe Hotaru has just died!"  
  
I watched as Sailor Moon's eyes began to shine with tears and Uranus and Neptune shared a knowing glance. They would no longer hold back. Their mission was clear, destroy the evil, and right now that evil was me.  
  
* * *  
  
Author's Note: Ahh yes another cliff hanger. Only one part left, the final battle for Humanity. But what about Hotaru? Arriving in May 2003, Part 6 of I Could Only Watch, Death. Sounds so final doesn't it?  
  
E-Mail the Author at k340029@excite.com  
  
Catch sneak peeks of all my work, and other talented authors works, at Daydream - www.scribbles.0catch.com 


	8. Death

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is copyright © 1992 Naoko Takeuchi / Kodansha, TOEI Animation. English Language Adaptation © 1995 DiC Entertainment. I'm just borrowing the characters and dialogue for a bit.  
  
Narrated by the Senshi of Silence herself,  
  
I Could Only Watch  
  
By Ceila  
  
Part 6 - Death  
  
Rated PG, Just in case  
  
****************************  
  
"That's not true!" screamed a disbelieving Sailor Moon as she watched Mistress Nine straighten and grin with confidence.  
  
"Can you see that giant ball coming toward us? That's the Death Buster's master, Pharaoh 90. When I have the Sacred Cup, Pharaoh 90 will appear and the Age of Silence will begin!" Mistress Nine's laughter filled the hall as her confidence showed itself.  
  
"Then, you'll be destroyed!" called Uranus as she slowly advanced toward us.  
  
"Prepare yourself!" echoed Neptune as she too inched closer to the machinery.  
  
"World Shaking!"  
  
"Deep Submerge!"  
  
Their attacks flew towards us in a blur of blue and yellow energy. Mistress Nine made no move to defend herself and indeed she didn't have to. I watched in horror as my princess threw herself in the path of their destructive blows saving us from death.  
  
"Thank you." murmured Mistress Nine as she turned once again to look at the evil that was descending upon us.  
  
"Idiot!" screamed Uranus.  
  
"Don't interfere!" scolded Neptune.  
  
I was in shock. Why had our princess risked her life to take a blow meant to destroy the threat to life on this planet? Mistress Nine took advantage of the Senshi's distraction and, using her power, made her hair grow instantly longer until it wrapped both Neptune and Uranus in it's grasp.  
  
"If you don't want to see them die, give me the Sacred Cup!" Mistress Nine demanded of Sailor Moon as she tightened her hold on the two outer Senshi. "Shall I kill one of them now?" The hair twisted tighter and audible gasps were heard from both Senshi.  
  
"Wait!" I watched as my princess lifted tear filled eyes towards us.  
  
"If you give it to her, I'll lose all respect for you!" said Neptune in an uncharacteristically strong voice.  
  
"But..."  
  
"Don't!" screamed Uranus.  
  
"Sailor Moon!" warned Neptune.  
  
"Don't!" they echoed together. Their determination surprised me.  
  
"Hotaru!" The faint whisper drifted across the room to our ears. Professor Tomoe was alive!  
  
"Hotaru's poppa?" asked Sailor Moon as she helped the injured man to his feet. She sounded surprised to see him still moving too.  
  
"Hotaru!" he managed again as he stumbled towards Mistress Nine grabbing hold of her dress in his bruised hands. "I'm your poppa! Hotaru, because of me, you've become..."  
  
Mistress Nine shook him away from us, "You're Gerumatou's pathetic container. Don't touch me, filthy man!"  
  
"Hotaru!" he pleaded as Sailor Moon cradled him in her arms.  
  
"Stop it! Please!" begged Sailor Moon as her voice wavered with emotion.  
  
"Hotaru!"  
  
"Poppa!" I cried and a tear slipped down my cheek touching the star crystal that was Hotaru. Sailor Moon and Professor Tomoe looked up in disbelief. Had they heard me? "Poppa!" I cried louder this time and the crystal on my bow began to glow with a white light and my own aura of purple flared as well. There was a smile on our father's face.  
  
"It can't be!" screeched Mistress Nine as she clutched at her head.  
  
"See how you like being controlled," I muttered as I concentrated on breaking out of my cell.  
  
"Hotaru?" asked Sailor Moon.  
  
"I..." My aura began to glow brighter. "Can't control..." I placed my hands on the wall in front of me. "The body is..." I let our combined power flow into the wall and watched as it cracked under the pressure. "Rejecting me... hard to breathe," Mistress Nine was weakening! Then I heard her utter in our own voice, "Poppa!"  
  
"Kill her, Sailor Moon!" shouted Uranus from her captive position.  
  
"No! Hotaru is still alive!" countered Sailor Moon as she looked up at us with compassion.  
  
"Don't be fooled!" chided Neptune as she struggled to get free.  
  
"Hotaru, does it hurt?" our father asked. For the first time since this all began I saw true emotion in both his clear blue eyes.  
  
"I need the Sacred Cup..." she gasped.  
  
"No!" I screamed as I applied more pressure to the walls. "She's using you don't listen!"  
  
"Sacred Cup?" Professor Tomoe looked as if he had never heard of such a thing.  
  
"I need the Sacred Cup to recover..." Our power was having an effect on Mistress nine and she was gasping for breath.  
  
"Hold on, Hotaru! Where can I find it?" he looked in her face for an answer.  
  
"Poppa!" she moaned and pointed towards Sailor Moon as small pieces of the wall began falling at my feet.  
  
"Sailor Moon," called Uranus.  
  
"You're not the Messiah! You don't have any right to decide!" pleaded Neptune.  
  
"Hotaru is still alive!" was my princess's fervent reply. "I don't believe that Hotaru has to be sacrificed to save the world!" With those words she turned and a shining jeweled cup appeared in her hands.  
  
"That's it!" hissed Mistress nine.  
  
"The Sacred Cup." Our father moved closer to Sailor Moon and pleadingly held out his hands to her. "Please, Hotaru needs it." I watched in horror as she gave it to him willingly.  
  
"No! Princess it's all a trap!" but she never heard my voice.  
  
"Thank you!" He turned back to Mistress nine and held it up for us to see. "Hotaru, is this the Sacred Cup that you need?"  
  
"Yes, hurry!" Mistress Nine hissed. As soon as he was close enough she snatched it out of his hands. When she touched it I was thrown away from the wall as her power increased.  
  
"Sailor Moon!" crowed a now completely recovered Mistress Nine. "When Pharaoh 90 appears, I'll thank you by letting you live as a Daimon container!"  
  
"Hotaru! Can you hear me? Hotaru!" called Sailor Moon as she looked to us with her compassionate eyes.  
  
"There's nothing you can do now!"  
  
"You won't win. I'll save Hotaru and our world!"  
  
"Forget it! This Sacred Cup is the purest crystal from...the collection of anger, love, loneliness, happiness, and envy. You have a very small chance to beat Pharaoh 90 who has the Sacred Cup...unless you can create a more powerful Cup than this!  
  
Our body shook with laughter as she placed the cup into one of the machines. I gasped as I watched it shatter in a matter of seconds allowing the raw power of the grail to be absorbed.  
  
"The Sacred Cup!" moaned Sailor Moon.  
  
"This way please, Pharaoh 90!" Mistress Nine called as she faced the massive machine that housed the pulsing light that was Pharaoh 90.  
  
"Moon Cosmic Power!" cried Sailor moon as she fired a blast from the holy silver crystal past Mistress Nine and directly at Pharaoh 90. The return blast sent Sailor Moon flying across the room. I winced as I watched her try and stand.  
  
"Without two levels of transformation, it's impossible to stop the Silence." she laughed at the now battered Senshi. "My master and my world will soon be here..."  
  
After regaining my wits I stepped up to the wall I had chipped earlier. "No more miss nice Senshi," I mumbled as my aura flared around me again and I felt the sign of Saturn come to life on my brow. I began the attack again.  
  
"It can't be!" I heard her scream as she grabbed her head again.  
  
"Hotaru..." I heard our father whisper and the broach on my chest flared and pulsed as Hotaru's voice echoed through the room.  
  
"Poppa..." came the strangled whisper from Mistress Nine's Mouth. I felt her eyes grow wide in shock.  
  
"Hotaru..."  
  
"Poppa..." The wall was starting to crack again and I felt Hotaru helping me, lending me strength.  
  
"Hotaru..." Papa called again as he wrapped us in a hug.  
  
Mistress Nine closed her eyes and the world was dark except for the light I was producing. Her shadow form appeared in front of me. Her hair flowing in a wind of power as she glared at me with her dark empty eyes. "Hotaru now is the time," I whispered and the star flared with a bright light that impacted directly with Mistress nine causing her to stagger back. Hotaru's voice sounded stronger now, as if she had taken control of our transformed body.  
  
"Poppa, where are you? It's so dark, I can't see you," she called for our eyes were still closed.  
  
"I'm here," replied Professor Tomoe as he hugged his daughter close.  
  
"I must save Chibiusa!" That statement caught me off guard and I felt my power waver. "Poppa, help me out of here!" I watched as Mistress Nine eyed me again. She had felt the weakness.  
  
"I don't know how, forgive me Hotaru. I want to go back to the good times." He was reminiscing at a time like this!  
  
"Poppa!" cried Hotaru and I felt her hug him in return. Hotaru's light began to fade and I watched as Mistress Nine raised a hand toward me preparing to fire.  
  
"Hotaru!" Papa sobbed back to us as our body began to shake.  
  
"Poppa!" we shouted as Mistress Nine fired a blast right at me. It was a direct hit but I stood my ground.  
  
"Die! Both of you annoyances die!"  
  
"Never!" I bit back at her.  
  
"Poppa!" Hotaru's voice was now panicked. Another blast from Mistress Nine caused her light to fade even more until it was just a faint line connecting the two of us.  
  
"Poppa..." was her final whisper as Mistress Nine severed the connection of minds and returned to control our body. Her eyes opened slowly and I saw that our father was indeed holding our body close.  
  
"H... Hotaru?" he asked looking into our face, searching for his lost daughter.  
  
"Don't come near me, beast!" She screamed in our twisted voice as she shoved our father aside and stood holding her head again. "Disappear!" She blasted him across the room and I noticed Sailor Moon going to his aid. Then more to herself, this must have been directed at me, she muttered, "You're useless! Don't bother me! Leave!"  
  
"Never!" I shouted as I reached inside for the last reserves of my power and sent it all into the wall that quickly filled with cracks.  
  
"Be gone!"  
  
"No, you leave!" I replied as large holes started forming in the wall in front of me.  
  
"Be gone!"  
  
A warm sensation on my chest made me look down. The star was glowing again, Hotaru wasn't gone! "No!" I shouted. "No!"  
  
"Damn you!"  
  
"I have..." a blast of power from the star shattered the wall. "I have..." I felt Hotaru's power blending with my own. Her thoughts touched mine as our separate minds merged into one. "...beloved ones!"  
  
"Hotaru!" I heard our, my, father shout from across the room as I let the full power of Saturn loose in Mistress Nine's mind.  
  
I felt the floor shudder as my power raced through my body's mind cleansing it of evil. I stepped from the remains of my box to face a fuming Mistress Nine. She was no longer the tall beautiful woman I had seen just minutes before. Her dress was tattered and her long hair had been shorn in places and burns covered her body. I called my glaive and readied for battle.  
  
"Shi-ne," she spat at me as she prepared to fire.  
  
"You first, Silent Blast!" My attack flew at her striking her dead on and with a scream she disintegrated into dust as I had seen many a daimon do leaving a shining pure heart crystal in her place. I called it to me and cradled it close to the crystal on my own chest. "Chibiusa." A tear fell down my cheek as I kissed the crystal and stored it in my subspace pocket. "Now for the hard part," I mumbled as I looked around for the last time and aimed my glaive at the floor beneath my feet. "Silent Blast!" I felt more than heard the body scream as it too disintegrated and my spirit fled.  
  
* * *  
  
Using her heart crystal like a homing beacon I followed it's pull to where Mamoru was sitting with Chibiusa. I must have been visible to him because when I walked through the wall Mamoru gasped in shock.  
  
"You're..." he managed before I smiled and silenced him. It was nice to be recognized but I was on a tight schedule!  
  
"Chibiusa, you'll be all right," I said as I brought out her heart crystal and allowed it to float back to it's owner. I smiled as it was absorbed into her chest and she immediately regained her healthy color.  
  
"Sailor Saturn!" a startled Male voice finally called out. I looked down and saw Artemis gaping up at me from his spot next to Luna.  
  
"Hotaru!" exclaimed Luna as if she had just learned the last piece of a puzzle.  
  
I didn't have time to say more. I could feel Pharaoh 90 getting closer and it was up to me to stop him from entering and destroying this world. "Thank you, Chibiusa." Was all I said before I left my friend to defend the world.  
  
* * *  
  
"Pharaoh 90 is getting stronger," I heard Neptune call as I floated across the room. They hadn't seen me yet.  
  
"We don't have the power to stop it," muttered Uranus as she pounded on the floor. I chose that moment to make my grand entrance and I was satisfied to see appropriately shocked faces on the three Senshi before me.  
  
"Hotaru!" gasped Sailor Moon as the other two Senshi merely stared at me in shock.  
  
"Sailor Moon. Thank you for protecting my body," I said.  
  
"Sailor Saturn, Hotaru?"  
  
"Hotaru!" called my father from across the room. He looked battered and weak but at least he was alive, that was more than I could say for myself.  
  
"I'm no longer Hotaru. I'm the only one who can save the planet from the Silence."  
  
"Wait! I'll go..." said Sailor Moon as she moved towards me.  
  
"No, the only way to destroy Pharaoh 90 is to enter the center and destroy everything. You don't have enough power since Pharaoh 90 is using the Sacred Cup...unless you're Super Sailor Moon," I said with a sad smile.  
  
"What will happen to you after you destroy Pharaoh 90?"  
  
She always had been concerned about the fates of others. "The reason why I'm the sacrificing soldier is because I received the power to destroy, but when the time comes to use that power, I myself must be destroyed..." I let my sentence fade away as understanding flew into her eyes,  
  
"No!"  
  
"Good-bye!" I said as I turned and jumped with glaive in hand, into the heart of the evil I had been waiting for so long to destroy.  
  
I'm not sure how long I fought against Pharaoh 90. He was strong and I had already spent a great deal of energy fighting Mistress Nine. The one thing I remember was my need for vengeance. I had watched this creature's minions destroy my father, endanger my friends, and finally destroy my own mind. One could say I was just a tad bit pissed off.  
  
Gradually I worked my way closer and closer to the heart of Pharaoh 90 and the world melted away until it was a blur of black tendrils and purple energy. I was preparing for my final attack, my ultimate sacrifice to save the world, when my princess surprised me. She appeared behind me, her fuku torn and her hair falling from the royal ondongo, but she stood strong as she placed a hand over one of my own.  
  
"Hotaru-chan, please let me help you," her voice had a strange bell like quality and it seemed to drown out the noises of the battle around us. Looking down at her chest I noticed her shining heart crystal hovering protectively in front of the silver crystal.  
  
"Sailor Moon this is my job." I began but she silenced my words with her other hand.  
  
"Then do what you must, but know that I will not let anyone else be sacrificed, because even one death is too high a price for peace."  
  
Nodding my head I turned from my princess and raised my glaive in front of me. My aura flared to life and I charged forward into the heart of the beast. With a scream I sliced at him and heard him roar in pain. Stepping back I took aim and cried, "Death Reborn Revolution!" My glaive came down for the last time and I watched in satisfaction as Pharaoh 90 and everything in his world was destroyed.  
  
The star crystal on my chest pulsed once and then flared in a supernova of light. Then I remember Sailor Moon and the feeling of warmth that the crystal always exudes when used. As the last bits of my spirit faded into the now white landscape I felt Sailor Moon place her arms around me in a hug. I felt her tears fall on my face. I watched her wrap the star that was Hotaru in a blue blanket and then everything was gone.  
  
* * *  
  
Author's Note: Now is this the end? Shall I add an epilogue? Do you want to know what happened to Hotaru and Saturn? Let me know by e-mail. Until then thank you for reading.  
  
E-Mail the Author at k340029@excite.com  
  
Catch sneak peeks of all my work, and other talented authors works, at Daydream - www.scribbles.0catch.com 


	9. Rebirth

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is copyright © 1992 Naoko Takeuchi / Kodansha, TOEI Animation. English Language Adaptation © 1995 DiC Entertainment. I'm just borrowing the characters and dialogue for a bit.  
  
Narrated by the Senshi of Silence herself,  
  
I Could Only Watch  
  
By Ceila  
  
Epilogue - Rebirth  
  
Rated PG, Just in case  
  
************************  
  
A spirit is only free for a time before it returns to the place of it's birth or rebirth to take another turn on the wheel of fate. It was foolish hopes, and memories of better times, that led me to believe that after my final sacrifice I would be at rest. If only it were that simple. To fear your fate is to live a troubled existence and to accept it leads to a life with few choices of your own making. My life as Hotaru had been a forced fate, designed by Serenity, and molded by the darkness that forever chases the light.  
  
It could have been seconds, or even an eternity, between that last blinding explosion of power and when I woke surrounded by mists. My aura glowed soft violet against the wisps of cloud as I sat looking around. Only once in the course of my lives had I seen a place such as this and then it had been a glimpse through a closing door. An odd chiming rang through the mists and a steady clicking grew closer with every beat. Still I sat motionless. I was only a spirit, what was there left for me to fear?  
  
I tried to still my mind as the mists swirled around my small form growing thicker and whiter until I felt as though I had arrived at yet another plane of existence. Then a door sized opening appeared revealing a tall dark figure. I could tell it was a woman for she wore a skirt similar to my own fuku. Her long hair fell to her waist in a single curtain and in her hands was a staff taller than her own adult body. For an instant I froze. Even a ghost such as myself knows when a being who controls the very flow of existence is in their midst.  
  
"Welcome," her whispered greeting echoed off the fog until it rang in my ears. "We've been waiting for you."  
  
"What?" Of all the greetings I had expected in this place between times that was not it. "Who are you and who's we?"  
  
Something atop the staff she held began to glow with a ruby light illuminating her facial features and my shock must have shown on my face for she smiled and shook her head as if nothing I could do would surprise her. "Saturn is your memory really so bad that you would not remember me?"  
  
"Pluto? But you haven't changed a bit. The last time I saw you was." here I trailed off for I couldn't really remember ever seeing Pluto in person.  
  
"Was when you had not yet inherited the legacy of Saturn, you were spying on your mother while I talked with her."  
  
"You knew I was there?"  
  
"I have seen everything that has been just as I know what will be in your future."  
  
"Honestly Puu you can be so dark at times," grumbled another voice from the shadows behind the oldest senshi. "Let me in there."  
  
"As you wish Princess," said Pluto as she stepped aside and let another woman, nearly her equal in height, step into the narrow window of a doorway.  
  
"Hotaru!" squealed the woman as she dashed forward and fell to her knees in front of me. "Oh I'd hug you but I'd go right through you like this."  
  
It took a moment before I registered that the woman with tears in her cinnamon eyes was a friend, my only friend, from a reality of painful memories. She was older now. Her sugar pink hair was spun up into ondongo pointed to imitate rabbit ears. She was dressed in a gown befitting her status but her smile and eyes were the same as the child I had befriended.  
  
"Chibi Usa?" I asked in amazement as I placed a transparent lavender hand to her face. "Is this really you?"  
  
"I'm me, but I'm called Usagi now. I kind of outgrew the Chibi part."  
  
We shared a laugh at that. "How is it that you're here?"  
  
"Puu's my buddy. She'd never keep me out, especially not now, I had to be here for you."  
  
"It is my duty as the keeper of the gates to offer you a choice Senshi Saturn," said Pluto as she too stepped forward into the light. "You have bared your duty longer than most save myself and I offer you two paths."  
  
I looked to Chibi, no Usagi, and then back to Pluto in confusion. Spirits were never given a choice. "Why?"  
  
"By the selfless sacrifice of both yourself and Super Sailor Moon you have been granted a choice not given to many spirits that cross this path. Your own dying wish was for rest, an end to the journey of death and pain you have taken. Sailor Moon had her own wish that you, Hotaru, should not die but be born again and have a new chance on the same turn of the wheel," said Usagi as if she had been practicing that speech for quite some time.  
  
I blinked in shock at my friends words. She sounded like another person entirely, until she started giggling at me that is. I shook my head and stuck my tong out at Usagi before turning to Pluto who despite her stoic demeanor had a smile in her eyes as she watched us. "What's the catch?" I asked her and in answer the garnet orb flared to life creating a small mirror of ruby energy.  
  
"This is time as it was when you left it," said Pluto as the light cleared and showed a devastated part of Tokyo. Sailor Moon floated in the air, her hair and fuku falling in ribbons around her body, and in her arms a small blue bundle was cradled beneath her breast.  
  
"Is that Mugen?"  
  
"What's left of it," mumbled Usagi as she played with the end of one of he pigtails. "The only reason the world is still here is because of Mars, Mercury, Jupiter and Venus."  
  
"What?"  
  
"The inner senshi placed a shield over the school when they detected Pharaoh 90's approach. Their goal was to trap him and let Sailor Moon destroy him.they would have failed," said Pluto as the mirror's images clouded over again and reformed in an even darker image. A planet covered in the darkness of Pharaoh 90. "Never doubt that your choice was correct Saturn."  
  
I shivered despite my spectral form. Usagi smiled at me and then nodded to Pluto who shifted the image for a third time. Here was another world but this one was filled with such light that it shown as a gem among the stars. I gasped at the beauty of the planet before I recognized it as Earth.  
  
"This is a future that has always been a possibility," said Usagi as she moved next to the shining image. "This is my home."  
  
"Your choice here Saturn will change the path of these possible futures but will not erase either of them. You may choose to return as Sailor Moon has requested and start again as a child with your memories sealed away. Hotaru would be reborn and you, Saturn, would remain a [art of her until you are called again." Pluto touched the garnet mists and the image dispersed into the swirling gray of eternity.  
  
"Or you may choose to come with me," said Usagi as she stepped closer smiling at me. "We're at peace in the future and you wouldn't have to fight but you would be Saturn and Hotaru would no longer exist."  
  
I stood silent between my two companions. A choice of two very different lives was in my hands but somehow neither one was what I really wanted anymore. After so many years of being trapped inside Hotaru, becoming in essence a part of her own soul, I didn't want to see her die. But looking at Usagi I remembered my first friend, or had she been Hotaru's friend? I turned from both of them suddenly wrapping my arms around my ghostly self I stepped away from them both. I didn't want either choice. Why couldn't I have just been a normal spirit? Why were there so many complications that I never asked for in my life? Why couldn't I just be me?  
  
I felt tears stinging my eyes, I hadn't thought ghosts could cry, but then maybe I wasn't really a ghost either. "I can't choose," I whispered as I stared at the white expanse that was around us. "I'm not Hotaru, she's human, but I'm not really Saturn anymore either." I turned back to Pluto and Usagi with spectral tears in my eyes. "I can't go back to either world now. Please let Hotaru live in the child Sailor Moon has saved but I can't go through being confined again. I need to be free for a while and rediscover who I am, as Saturn."  
  
Pluto nodded in silent agreement but Usagi looked at me with her pleading eyes for just a moment longer. There was something like longing in them and it made me feel just a tad guilty and selfish at my choice. But even as Usagi looked away the mists began to clear and a gate of solid stone with great wooden doors emerged. The phases of the moon adorned each side and the symbols of the planets were worked into the pillars. I stared at the gate as it began to open and reveal a light from a shining city of crystal.  
  
Usagi smiled and waved politely as she stepped through, her silken gown billowing out behind her, in a kind of farewell. I raised one of my hands to wave but she had turned from me and was gone before she could see the regret on my face. I looked down as the doors closed behind her. I felt guilty.  
  
"Don't," said Pluto as she placed a hand on my transparent shoulder. "You have nothing to feel guilty about. The princess knew what you would choose. She knows that you have made the right decision even if it is the painful one for her."  
  
"She was our friend, Hotaru's only friend."  
  
"She still is but she knew even before she came here what you would chose. She has lived that turn of the wheel already and understands even if she looks hurt she isn't really."  
  
"Will I ever see her again?"  
  
"In the turn that you know as the present, no. The princess will be required to stay in her future until events fall into place that ensure her creation."  
  
I blushed at the meaning of Pluto's words and quickly glanced down at the floor again. The swirling of the mists of time was comforting and I found myself suddenly curious as to what I could do with my new freedom. I though for a moment before lifting my feet and folding them under me while I floated in the air. I looked down and smiled.  
  
"I suppose I'll have to endure your floating like that all the time now won't I?" questioned Pluto as she smiled slightly again.  
  
"Not all the time," I paused and grinned before saying, "Puu."  
  
The guardian of time stopped in mid stride, heaved a rather large sigh, and turned to face me with a rather intimidating stare. I grinned back at her assured that I had struck a nerve. "You may call me." she paused as I floated closer to her intimidating form and batted my eyes in a way I had once seen Chibi Usa use on Mamoru complete with a slightly pouting lower lip. "Fine but not in front of the other senshi I have a reputation to uphold."  
  
"Thank you Puu!" I squealed as I gave her a misty purple hug. "So what exactly do you do here all day long anyway?"  
  
"I guard the gate."  
  
"And," I pried, "That can't be all you do Puu."  
  
"I watch time and guard it from events that would prevent the future from happening."  
  
"So you watch people."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"But you don't interact with them?"  
  
"Not usually no," Pluto looked up at her garnet orb and another pool of mists formed between us and solidified into an image of the present. "I am only allowed to watch."  
  
I stared transfixed as the man I had known as father was pushed in a wheelchair through the park holding a baby. As he moved closer I noticed that the baby had my eyes, Hotaru's purple eyes, stared back at me from that new body. Sailor Moon had given Hotaru and her father another chance at a life filled with hope. I smiled at the thought. Maybe life wouldn't be so bad this time and maybe, here with Pluto, I could enjoy just watching the world go by.  
  
* * *  
  
Author's Note: The End! Look I finished one now I just need to get moving on A Merging of Hearts and everyone will be happy. Thank you again to everyone who read and or reviewed this work for me.  
  
E-Mail the Author at k340029@excite.com 


End file.
